I have always been a relationship type of girl. I’ve always been monogamous too and rarely ever have hookups. I was taught at a very early age that I was supposed to be my own hero and to never let a guy try and be my savior. I was taught to stick up for myself and avoid toxic relationships. I was also taught that not every guy is going to be as nice as my father, uncle or even brother in law. When I learned this, I used to think it was silly because there had to be genuine good guys out there like the males in my family. It wasn’t until I started online dating that my hopes of guys being as genuine as my male family members were shattered. Here are some of the lessons I learned from my online dating life.
Apps are superficial.
On most dating apps, the person’s picture is the first thing you see. Not the bio, not if they are employed or what they are looking for – those things you need to scroll down for. And usually that’s the reason why they will swipe right or left. Whenever I talk to a guy and they ask questions about things I’ve already stated in my bio, I almost always reply with “well that was stated in my bio, if you read it.” To which they reply, “Yeah I never read your bio, I just thought you were cute.” (Because apparently looks don’t eventually fade and I look like this at 5 am with no makeup on.)
No biography? I’m automatically swiping LEFT
It takes two minutes to write a quick bio about yourself. Literally two minutes. Mine took three because I care about the details. You could mention what you are taking in school or what you do for a job… hell even talk about your dog, I don’t care. It looks like you put in the effort when you put in a bio, that you really aren’t here for sh*ts and giggles. I learned that guys who don’t have one usually are just looking for something quick and simple and that’s not what I want.
Well I don’t know what I am looking for…
Good thing about apps like bumble is that it asks you to state what you are looking for unlike tinder.
However usually I see the “I don’t know yet.” Huh??. You kind-of already know what you are looking for or have an idea when you sign up. Why are you wasting people’s time? Can guys be more honest? If you’re looking for a hookup, say you’re looking or it. No one is judging you. Also why are you swiping on me when I say I am looking for a relationship when you’re looking for a fling? Again, this a huge waste of both of our time.
Guys really like shirtless pictures…. Really
I can’t tell if they can’t afford a shirt or somehow all their shirts are in the wash. Almost every guy I’ve seen has one or two shirtless pictures and I am really wondering if this is a thing now a days. I’m down for self confidence but more than one is really cocky. We get it you have a nice body, I hope that’s not the only accomplishment you have.
If he wants to meet up that night, or messages you at 2am, it’s a hookup
I would rather get to know you for a few days and get your vibe before I even meet you because
1) I am very busy, and I’d rather not go all the way downtown to meet with you and have both of our time wasted, (plus you don’t even know anything about me) and
2) I want to make sure you’re not a murder. Self explanatory.
Middle of the night and 2 am messages are a given that he’s drunk, wants to get laid or both. Not my scene. If you want to meet with me over coffee, we can do that in the afternoon, in daylight when you’re hopefully not drunk or turned on.
Damn, the rebound is strong on these apps.
He just broke up with his long-term girlfriend a day ago and he’s already ready to move on…. what about mourning the breakup like a normal human being? Chances are he just wants to get even or suppress the sadness by getting laid (ruining his chances of ever reconciling with said girlfriend.) This is something you see often on these apps.
Being a traditional dater is hard, but I find it gets easier when you see the warning signs and figure out what you want and your boundaries and rules are. Because if you go into this thinking every guy is wholesome and wanting the same thing as you, you’re going to get heartbroken and disappointed. Not every guy is awful. I met some of my long-term partners through dating apps but that wasn’t until I figured out what to look out for and what my boundaries are. There’s always good guys, you just have to look a little harder.