Two weeks ago I turned twenty years old. From what I have gathered from my friends who recently turned twenty as well, it can be quite a nerve-wracking experience. Somehow turning twenty feels more like entering adulthood than turning eighteen did. During this scary entrance into “real life,” I have gathered advice about navigating this new decade of our lives.
If there is anything that I have learned from the older people I spend time with, it’s that nobody has everything all figured out. In this time of your life, I feel like there is immense pressure to know exactly what your career prospects are, have a detailed plan for post-graduation, and know what the next ten years of your life are supposed to look like. While it is important to set goals, especially to ignite motivation for your future, those goals can make you feel like anything other than a rigid plan means you are doing something wrong. It is completely okay to feel confused or lost, in fact I think most people feel that way every once and a while. College is the stage for exploration, so I think it’s worth taking time to discover your interests and pursue whatever you are passionate about. The only way to go wrong is to neglect your own desires in a place that encourages you to chase after them. Cultivate your aspirations, but allow yourself to remove the added pressure of making it a five-page bulleted list that includes the colors of the drapes in your future office (unless, of course, following your desires is creating that five-page list).
This next piece of advice is actually stolen directly from Jenette McCurdy. When she came to talk at Tulane, someone in the audience asked what she would tell herself when she was turning 20. She turned to all of us and said “If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no.” While this piece of advice may not be applicable to everyone, it really spoke to the fundamental indecisiveness of my character. Entering this decade of your life comes with the responsibility of making important decisions (and some not-so-important ones), so hearing this from someone who struggled with the same incapacity to make decisions felt like one big exhale. It can be difficult to always make the “right” decisions all the time because this point of our life is filled with choices that have no inherently right answer. I interpreted Jenette’s advice as going with your gut. There is no better person to make decisions about your life than you, so listen to what your intuition is telling you, evolution has handed it to you for a reason.
For a long time, I had always considered comparison the enemy. I viewed comparison as this thing that deprived you of joy because it allows you to focus on everything that you lack rather than appreciating what you do have. However, comparing yourself to others doesn’t always have to be the bane of your existence. Our comparisons can actually reveal pretty valuable information about ourselves. While it can be easy to direct your attention to what other people have and strive to be someone else, I think comparison can be a medium to learn more about yourself. It can show you what things you value and what is important to you. If you are constantly envious of that friend that always looks put together, then it might be that you value your presentation to others. If you find yourself jealous of that classmate who spends hours in the library studying, that can show you how much importance you place on academics or work ethic. Managing the detrimental thoughts that can arise from these comparisons could be as simple as framing it in terms of the things you attribute significance to. Emerging adulthood creates pressure to know who your “authentic self” is, and perhaps these comparisons that are bound to arise can be an opportunity to get into tune with what you hold in high regard and help you learn a little bit more about yourself.