Let’s do a social experiment. How about we throw people from all ends of the world into an environment without their families and the structure they have known their whole lives. To make it interesting, let’s have these said subjects be at different emotional stages in their life. Without giving them rules or direction, let’s see how they interact. Ready…set…good luck.
Call me crazy but this sounds fairly similar to college. I think we can all agree that at times, this social experiment we are participating in seems overwhelming. The majority of this sense of being overwhelmed comes from the relationships we form daily. This year I’ve had a few freshman ask me advice on friends. When do you know who your true friends are? Does it get better? How do you distinguish who is being real or not?
For one, let me say that your friends will constantly change, and that’s because you yourself change. It takes time to figure out who your people are. There will be difficult situations in your life that clarify who you have a real relationship with, and who you have a surface relationship with. Throughout my life, I have had amazing relationships and I have had ones where the only words we speak to each other are hi and bye. It’s important to note that neither friendship is bad to have in your life, they are just used for different purposes. I used to worry and stress about the relationships I couldn’t strengthen or the ones I had to walk away from, but eventually, I learned. The following is a passage from a letter I received not too long ago. Hopefully, this will speak to you as it did me.
“You have to accept that some people are not made for deep conversations, or for holding you together when you’re about to fall apart, or for keeping you from unzipping your skin, or for talking you out of suicide, or to love you through the worst moments of your life. Some people are made for shallow exchanges, and ridiculous banter, and nothing more. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make them horrible people because they simply aren’t able to handle a storm like you. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you won’t divulge all the gritty details of your horror show. It makes you smart. You have to accept that there will be people that cannot give you what you need. It doesn’t mean they are not worth keeping in your life. You just have to figure out who these ones are before you’re disappointed. And you have to keep them at arm’s length. You cannot expect everyone in your life to understand, to be nonjudgemental, to get it. but that’s okay, because not everyone was made to impart wisdom, or speak on politics and the depravity of society, or discuss how crucial it is that the stigma of mental illness be abolished. There are times when you have to get away from all that heaviness. you have to. And you will need superficial conversation about Kim Kardashian’s arse, or a debate on the color of The Dress. You will need those ones. So don’t go around cutting people off and dropping your friends. You need people for all your seasons. You need people or you won’t survive this.”
Deep, right?
If you’re the person at this stage of confusion, know one thing; you will be okay. You will find your way and you will find your friends. Dropping people out of your life will help neither you nor them. Simply be, and love those you can.