Every collegiette has those days when she feels like everything’s falling apart. College life is stressful. There is always work to do, an internship to apply for, and a meeting to attend, plus you have to figure out how to function in the real world. You may be hardcore struggling, but the key is to appear like you have your life together—while still being a closeted mess, of course. Here are a few ways to pretend you know how to function normally in society!
1. Dress to impress
No matter how you feel or how little time you have in the morning, at least throw on a sweater, leggings or jeans, and boots. It’s an easy outfit to pull off, but people who see you will think: “Wow! She took time to put that outfit together. She must be really sophisticated and cool.” Little do they know, you’re wearing a sports bra and day-old eyeliner.
2. Make to-do lists
Put things you know you’ll do on a list, for example: eat dinner, and watch two hours of Friends. This way, you’ll feel accomplished by checking off each completed task, despite having accomplished absolutely nothing real. Bonus tip: write your to-do lists in a cute planner to look super organized and efficient!
3. Carry around coffee as you calmly walk (run) to class
You may have just sprinted across campus after sleeping through six alarms, and the line at the Rez was SO long, but no one will ever know if you nonchalantly walk into class with coffee. As long as you stop panting by the time you get to the doorway, your classmates will think you were late on purpose because you were doing important things (like sipping on coffee and checking off assignments in your day planner).
4) Make mason jars your new best friends
Mason jars just scream, “I can handle my life! (Plus, I’m super cute and quirky.)” Put some carrot sticks and lettuce from Dewick in a mason jar (salad, duh), or carry one around just for fun. When it’s that time of year, buy a Shamrock Shake from McDonald’s, pour it into a mason jar, and you can tell people it is a homemade kale and spinach smoothie!
5) Make greasy hair the new fashion
Didn’t have time to shower last night? Too lazy to shower last night? Tell your friends you just read a Cosmo article on how trendy it is to have greasy hair!
6) Go to bed early
Forget studying! Watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and sleep for 12 hours instead of getting any of your work done. You’ll look refreshed, and your friends will assume you are Superwoman. Also, you’ll be able to educate them on complex cardiovascular procedures like nobody’s business.
7) Call hanging out with friends a meeting
Grabbing coffee at Tamper? Meeting. Live-tweeting “Scandal” as a group? Meeting. Trying on a friend’s clothes for a night out? Meeting. Napping in the same room as your roommate? Meeting. It just oozes maturity and composure.
8) Buy a fish
What better way to prove you have your life together than keeping something else alive? I recommend a Betta fish because they only need to be fed twice a week and can fight through a lot of adversity like not eating for a few days or living in unchanged water for a month (shout out to my fish, Chester, who survived both of these conditions). Make sure to take lots of Snapchats to show what a good pet owner you are!
9) Have weekly phone calls with your parents
Make a list of things you want to accomplish this week, and assure your parents that you did them, even though you probably didn’t. They’ll be so proud!
Use some or all of these tips to impress your friends and yourself. And who knows? The more you live this pseudo-lifestyle, the more likely you might be to actually embody the composed person you appear to be…someday.
Photo sources: garnerstyle.blogspot.com, https://media.giphy.com/media/hBjV49n3wy60o/giphy.gif, hercampus.com, Olympia.fit4mom.com, radius.com, giphy.com, imgur.com