How to Get Over Your Ex 101: The Healthy Edition.
Oh, the joy of dating. Until its over! Now you are obsessed, depressed, and crying whilst eating ice cream like an archetypal Bridget Jones movie.
1. Social media has to go. For now at least.
Why would you want to open Instagram to see their face? Removing them from social media is ideal because you are not constantly reminded of them. Outta sight, outta mind. Stop all communication so that you can get your thoughts together.
From this, you can move forward wisely. Think of yourself as Neo from The Matrix: if it was a decision between the red pill,–a scary path with possibilities to new beginnings–or the blue pill–endless despair, dried eyes and used up tissues–what would you choose?
Yeah. Exactly.
2. Do not ask your ex’s friends how they are doing.
You are NOT their caretaker. STOP constantly checking in on him. You aren’t their mom. Zero Communication. ZERO.
Personally, I do not believe in the whole ‘just friends’ thing. Especially if you still have feelings for each other. You will just end up hooking up and getting your feelings hurt. Then who looks stupid? That’s right, you.
Also, if the break up you went through was bad, please don’t try and carry out a whole vengeance routine; you aren’t Kate Spence and this isn’t John Tucker Must Die. Saying things like: “I am just going to sleep with their best friend,” or “I am just going to sleep with their brother,” is not cute. This will not result in you having some sort of power over them. This will only bring something negative to yourself. The real power is keeping your head up and carrying on. That’s real strength.
The issue with growing up is that we have to act, or let me rephrase it, “portray ourselves as adults,” which means having a mature adult relationship. Now, I realize this is difficult, which is why only a small percentage of us can manage it–no shade, but let’s at least try. I believe that our ego prevents us from comprehending that not everything is about us. Even when we break up with someone all we think about is that our ex’s life is about us; everyday me, me, me. Part of being mature is understanding that you do not own your ex, they aren’t your property. And frankly, you need to suck it up and grow up.
3. Let’s think of a future without them in it.
A good friend of mine always pushes this rule on to me and it is something I now stand by. It’s the ‘5 by 5 rule’: if it won’t matter in 5 months, don’t spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it. A good quote from the website Ex Boyfriend Recovery says that “being trapped in the past is like being trapped in a cinema with our painful memories playing on repeat like a badly written horror movie.” Too often we find ourselves persecuted by our own mind!
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we find ourselves reasonably pondering over past relationships:
- You have entered a new relationship and want to discover if maybe you were the problem.
- Looking at your old self and seeing how far you have come. Which, subsequently, makes you feel better about yourself.
- You just want to keep tabs on them–FYI, it happens. Sometimes I find myself looking at old friends social media pages just to be in the loop. Feeling nostalgia is highly common and acceptable. It gives us a way to connect to our past selves and experiences. It’s almost like that favorite stuffed animal that has been centred on your bed for a decade now. Or like that friendship bracelet you never got rid of, but “you swear you will wear it one day.” Yeah. Sure!
However, ladies! Let’s learn from this without getting trapped in it. Let’s not be engulfed by the past.
4. Girls just wanna have fun.
Staying busy is important. Throw yourself into your work or hobby, and into something that distracts you. For example, you have been screaming “summer body” for months now. Start going to the gym, start running. You used to love art in school. Go get supplies and start to paint or draw.
There was a study reported that when you have nothing to do on a consistent basis, you tend to become nostalgic. If you love to write, create a story about this little love affair. Who knows? You could end up being like Taylor Swift, creating something that will generate profit from this difficult time.
5. I am ready to talk now.
As we know, dealing with and acknowledging your mental health is highly important. So, if the residues of a break up are still lingering, this is something that needs to be dealt with and should be a top priority.
If you are still completely obsessed and down after months, I suggest seeking professional help. A break up can affect how you function socially, and as a result, other relationships and friendships may go downhill. It’s time to talk to an impartial party. Talking to friends is all well and good, but it normally consists of: “Well he was trash anyway.” Sis, really. How does it help you by talking bad about him? How does that reflect on you? I mean you dated him, was he still trash then?
Through all these trials and tribulations in a relationship, there is something positive: it was an experience. Self-auditing is key because you can realize where you went wrong and ask yourself how you can fix it to better yourself as a person. For example, what was the lesson learned in the relationship? How can you make your next relationship good for your own interest and your own well-being? All this instead of the “where did I go wrong?” questions.
The issue is, the “woe is me”, relentless badgering of ourselves without our consciousness of doing it. Like asking ourselves about things done in the past that cannot be changed. Continuing through life with a good and stable mindset can help us understand what we can take from this situation in order to move forward and move on.