Dear Andi,
When I came to Towson, it was so big and I felt kind of overwhelmed getting to know people. I decided to rush this spring to meet new people and I was really really excited to make a lot of new friends. I got a bid with the group I wanted and I was so happy! Big and little week was super cute, and I was so surprised and happy to get the big that I really wanted. Everything was going great! But then after reveal, my big never asked me to hang out and she almost never talks to me. I see her spend time with other people and I get a little jealous, and I feel really bad about it. To make matters worse other people are starting to notice that we aren’t close and have asked me about it. I want to approach her about it but I’m not sure she’ll be understanding and I’m scared that we’ll never be close if we can’t work this out. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Greek Orphan
Dear Greek Orphan,
First, you should not be feeling guilty for having these feelings. You obviously had some expectations for greek life or you wouldn’t have gone through with the process! It’s hard when things don’t go according to our plan, especially when we’re talking about making friends. Jealousy is unhealthy but we all experience it and it’s good that you want to work through it instead of stewing on it.
There is really only one solution here, and that is to have a conversation with your big. Ask her to get coffee or some good, just the two of you, and get down to how you’re feeling. Make sure you use I-statements so you don’t put her on the defensive. Accusing her of being a bad big is not going to get you the result that you want. Plus, she might not even be aware that you’re feeling abandoned. Saying “I feel like you don’t really want to hang out and that hurts my feelings” is a lot more productive than saying “You never hang out with me and it sucks.” This might be awkward but having difficult conversations is part of growing up and it makes relationships stronger.
It sounds like she might have something else going on, but you have the right to know what’s going on if it’s making you feel bad or excluded. You said that you were hoping to be matched with her, think about the reasons why you were hopeful and why your organization put you with her. These would be good things to bring up when you talk as well.
If this doesn’t help, you’re going to have to just be cordial and move on. You’re still sisters, but just like real families, Greek families aren’t always picture perfect. You can still be super close with the other people in your organization. I don’t know how large your group is but I’m sure there are plenty of new friends to be made, either in older members or members in your pledge class. Just focus on the positive reasons that you joined and the next four years are going to be a experience for you!
Wishing you the best,
Andi