Dear Black Girl,
It’s time to start loving your hair! I can’t believe we’re still having hateful conversations in the natural hair community. As I was taking out my braids this week, I reflected on how far I’ve come in my natural hair journey. It has been a long road of ups and downs, crying, and getting past trauma to reach this level of comfort with my hair.
I remember a particular time in eighth grade when I was scared for my friends at school to see my natural hair because it was short and unmanageable. I would make sure my hair was always in braids or other protective styles to hide its true beauty. As Black women, our hair is our crown and a testament to our culture, history, and legacy, and it’s quite frustrating to see how our community continues to uphold colourist standards. The Black community has made women feel inferior for far too long, dividing us into categories for not only our hair but our skin.
Coping with hair trauma
Growing up in a Caribbean home and having conversations about hair was nonexistent. My hair was always neatly combed in different styles: braids, beads, and cornrows. Sundays were designated for styling my hair, but it was far from a pleasant experience.
I always felt unheard when I complained about the pain or the hairstyle. Wash day wasn’t any better, it was a full-day process that was extremely time-consuming. Growing up, I didn’t have a good relationship with hair, especially with others around me.
This trauma has followed me for years and continues to haunt me. As I have grown older, I have found methods to make wash day easier by oiling, sectioning, and detangling my hair before washing.
Appreciating my Natural Hair
Coming to the realization of loving my hair has taken eight years — a constant back and forth of relaxers, perms, and straighteners. My hair is naturally coily, and it doesn’t curl easily, so it was a constant mental battle to fully appreciate that my hair was different from others.
To fully love my hair, I had to search for community online, watching influencers such as Theesundani and Danessy Auguste who reassured thoughts about my hair. I started doing high buns, space buns, and even twisting my hair. My previous thoughts about my unmanageable hair have slowly faded away with time. Loving your hair is easy — it just starts with you.
Learning to live your truth and beauty takes courage and constant self-reassurance. Nevertheless, it’s okay not to have your hair in its natural state, but I believe we need to have conversations about self-love and acceptance as young women growing up in this turbulent world.