When I was nine, I saw a group of boys with Pokémon cards and asked to play. The boys all looked at me like I was an alien. Finally, one of them asked me in a snarky tone, “Do you even know anything about Pokémon?”
Their reactions surprised me. Why wouldn’t they just let me play? Still, I didn’t hold back from angrily shouting, “I do too know about Pokémon!”
I proceeded to name all the Pokémon I knew and what their powers are. The boys looked surprised that I knew this information.
“Okay well, I guess you can play then,” one of them said just before he explained the rules to me.
I told him I did know how to play, to which he said, “I just don’t want you to screw up the game.”
I was nine years old, and I had no idea that what I’d just experienced was mansplaining.
What is mansplaining?
Mansplaining is when a man, presuming a woman lacks comprehension, provides her with a patronizing explanation on a subject, according to Merriam-Webster.
I didn’t know what this behaviour was called until my teenage years. I didn’t even know that there was a word for it. When I found out, I remember thinking, “Oh my God, it has a name!?”
After that, I found it very easy to spot mansplaining. I noticed that despite their differences, mansplainers all have one thing in common – their overconfidence.
This chart, used by @globalreform in a post, shows the different traits of a mansplainer.
How mansplaining affected me
I’ve dealt with mansplainers at various stages of my life. Sometimes I knew it was happening – other times, I didn’t realize until later. Still, I found myself very often agreeing with what males in a group said despite what I thought. In my head, I would be thinking, “What, that makes no sense at all” but what came out was, “Yeah sure, that sounds like a good idea.”
The relationships I had with men were also impacted, whether they were familial, platonic or romantic. Many times, I would excuse the mansplaining out of fear of losing the relationship.
I once dated this boy who loved to use the line, “Why are you even mad? You’re overreacting” on me. It drove me crazy whenever he said that. Still, I was afraid of losing the mansplainer.
Other examples of mansplaining
Thinking about all this made me wonder if anyone else had the same experiences as me. I put a question on my Instagram story asking, “What’s the dumbest thing that’s ever been mansplained to you?” These were the answers.
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“How to charge my laptop” – I actually found this one kind of funny. I wonder how the conversation would have gone. “You’re supposed to plug it in.” “Yes I know. Thank you.”
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“How to make coffee even though I’m a barista” – Imagine telling someone how to do their job.
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“‘Why dolphins are fish.’ When we all know that they are mammals” – Remember that overconfidence I talked about before? Here it is.
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“What physics is. I’m an engineering major.” – Let’s not talk to women like they don’t know anything.
Out of all of them, the answer that blew my mind the most was “when this guy was mansplaining to me” – how ironic that the guy didn’t even realize he was mansplaining in that moment.
How to know if you’re mansplaining in a conversation
There’s nothing wrong with a man explaining something. However, if you do any of these things, you’re not explaining – you’re mansplaining.
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You talk about experiences that aren’t your own as if YOU are the expert. This might seem like an obvious thing to avoid, but it does happen. The boy I was with was not feeling my feelings. Still, he lectured me on how he thought I was supposed to feel.
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You don’t listen and interrupt. By dominating the conversation like this, you imply that you don’t think the other person can contribute anything valuable. Not listening to and interrupting the person shows that you’re not speaking with them, you’re speaking to them. No one wants to be spoken down to. If this is how you talk to people, you’re better off talking to a mirror than another person.
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You speak to women/non-binary people in a different way than you speak to men. If you find yourself over explaining or dumbing down your choice of words, that’s a clear indicator that you’re mansplaining.
Gender roles contributing to mansplaining
I don’t blame the nine-year-old boys with the Pokémon cards. In their defence, that was probably the first time a girl asked to play with them. They were probably surprised I wanted to do something that was “for boys.” But that’s just it. Mansplaining exists because of the gender norms that men are supposed to be “manly” and women are supposed to be “ladylike”.
This thinking is what leads men to believe they have to dominate the discussion. This thinking is why for 75 per cent of the length of meetings, men converse, while 25 per cent of meeting durations are covered by women talking, as cited in a Forbes article. The answer to stop mansplaining is clear. We need to unlearn what we were taught for so long and stop mansplaining at its core.