By Olga Bergmans
There’s something innately unique about adult friendships. It’s not quite the same as it was in childhood. The petty fights and elementary school drama suddenly mould into real life – where arguments happen, and tensions do build. Yet as adults, we have learned the different tools available to fix it instead of simply saying, “You can’t sit with us.” Growing up, I thought adult friendships would be dull or less colourful than the playfulness of younger friendships. But what I’ve come to realize is just how bright these friendships are. Like anything else in life, this does not come without the classic adult tax of communication and dedication. Which, in truthfulness, is the largest factor in making long-lasting friendships. Even if it seems daunting to make friends as an adult, it is a time in our lives when outside pressures will push us to lean on the ones closest to us. Friendships can be magical, and you’ll know that feeling when you’ve found the right ones.
Typically, social circles begin to shrink as you get older. Life gets in the way, people grow apart, and more evidently you grow into a different person with certain values that might not always align with past relationships. The important thing to recognize is that this is totally normal and actually healthy. Large friend groups, in retrospect, are not bad and can be attainable, but from experience keeping a small group of dear friends makes the likelihood of solid friendships stronger. It allows for intimate connections to grow and minimizes the possibility of feeling lost in the crowd.
A common idea we’re taught about these connections is that it’s best to make friends with ‘like-minded’ people. Although we naturally gravitate towards people who share similarities and interests, making friends with people who are opposite of you can challenge pre-existing personality traits and allow you to grow in ways you haven’t before. Don’t get me wrong, It can be hard when it seems like you are on your own path in life and your friends seem to be drifting in the opposite direction. Growing up, you might have shared the same experiences [in school, family lives, etc.] and led similar lives. When we get older, people begin developing their lives, which can make the change scary as it prompts us to create our own story and thus gain a greater sense of independence. However, this is where the importance of recognizing your independence within friendships comes in. You may meet friends that are kindred spirits or a twin flame of yourself. But no matter how close you are, preserving your own identity is crucial. Just like in romantic relationships, you must love yourself first.
On this token, once adulthood does approach, there occurs a shift in the hierarchy within our relationships. Too often, we put romantic or familial relationships above friendships, which can be damaging to us. We become so weaved into these relationships that sometimes we risk putting our friendships on the backburner. Even though romantic and familial relationships are close to us on different levels, it’s important to foster a sense of friendship and desire to maintain those friendships. This means reaching out to friends, even when life gets busy. Or planning a specific time out of your schedule and truly making it a priority to see them. It’s hard but worthwhile work. It is one of the most consistent forms of connection we’ll experience in our lifetimes.
And remember one thing: In the wise words of Phoebe Buffay, “Boyfriends and girlfriends are gonna come and go, but this [friendships] is for life.”