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How to Deal: Fighting with an Ex

When a relationship ends, that’s the end of anniversaries, surprise gifts, goodnight kisses, etc. But it’s also supposed to be the end of fights with your ex, right? Sometimes we’re just not that lucky.
No matter how long you’ve been broken up, fighting with an ex is different than fighting with just anyone. Hopefully the arguing stops when the relationship does, but collegiettes™ have to be prepared if that’s not the case.

1. Judge if it’s worth getting mad.

Some baggage between exes is serious. And some of the issues that continue outside of a relationship are worthy of anger. But it’s important to differentiate those issues, from ones that aren’t worth your emotions. If it’s meaningless drama, it’s not worth stressing out over and ruining a perfectly good day. We’re all guilty of getting angry at exes over stupid stuff. There’s old feelings there, you’re getting over a relationship… it’s normal. So if that’s the case, just brush it off. Be cordial, take the high road, and just let it go. If you respond and let yourself get angry, you’re just propelling the unnecessary argument.
2. Keep it short.
You want to keep your argument as short as possible. Dragging it out will only stress you out. Whether you want to admit it or not, fighting with an ex still tugs at your heart a little. It can stir up old emotions and issues from a relationship that is in the past. So if an ex wants to bicker about something, try to end it as quickly as possible. Sometimes that might mean agreeing with them, even if you don’t think they’re right. But in the end, the shorter the better for your happiness and sanity.
3. Avoid the text message fight.
Whether you’re in close proximity or far apart, texting is never a good way to fight. There is no tone of voice, there is no sincerity, and there is no end! Texting fights can do exactly what step two is trying to prevent: make the fight last forever. You’ll spend all day waiting on responses and concentrating on what you’re going to say next until you’ve wasted an entire day mad, fighting, and it isn’t even finished yet. If it’s a conversation that really needs to happen, just go over there. Yeah, it sucks to face an ex sometimes, but face-to-face is the mature and responsible way to handle issues.
4. Be sincere.
The best thing you can do in an argument is tell the truth and be sincere. If the arguments are stemming from unresolved issues in your relationship, you’re never going to feel better unless you let them out. If you’re continuously having silly, dramatic fights, speak up about it. Invite them to tell you what the real issue is instead of sparking a conversation by bickering about something dumb. Don’t be overly confrontational, but let them know what you’re thinking. It may put an end to any arguments that were coming in the future.

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