Post-Ghost Survival Guide

What’s your Snapchat?”

It’s that three-word phrase. For the sake of my inner romantic, I’d love to pretend that boys use other avenues of communication besides an app with f*cking Bitmojis, but alas, we’re dealing with boys.

After a few days of pictures with half of their face containing no context whatsoever and the occasional “wyd” snap, you might advance to the hangout level. Hangout: watch Netflix in your twin size bed while they occasionally look up from their phone to tell you that “you look hot.” Romantic.

You’re no rookie to the game. You know that with boys like this, they’ll be gone in 2-3 business weeks in search of the next girl they can project their emotional trauma onto. But just because you know, doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Ignorance really is bliss -- and when you have no other choice but to accept the inevitable, you’re left with nothing but regret and bed sheets that smell like a mixture of their gross cologne and Natty Lite.

Rejection is hard enough to deal with, but the haunting thought that you weren’t even deserving of a conversation about something that directly involves you, is a whole other matter. I don’t know what’s going on with these boys, but something about the spooky month of October has them all turning into ghosts.

And it all started when you got left on open.

Oh, come on. Like your ego is that fragile that one boy leaving you open is going to hurt your feelings? Okay, yes, 100 %, it definitely will. You act like it’s NBD. You tell everyone it’s NBD. You tell yourself it’s NBD. But it’s totally a big. freakin. deal.

Living in oblivion is your new best friend. I mean, he didn’t reply to your Snapchat because he’s been so busy for the past four days and just hasn’t had any time to take one mediocre picture of half of his face. Whether he tells you this or not, you’ll drill this excuse into your head like it’s your own personal religion. Rest assured, though, he’s had a little bit of time to view your Instagram story like the obtrusive little sociopath he is.

The best therapy is shitting on those who’ve wronged you while they aren’t there to defend themselves or literally anything you’re saying about them.

Although this does certainly not exemplify your best side, sometimes it just feels therapeutic -- especially since you’ve put them on such a pedestal in your head. You discover a few things you really dislike about him -- like his ungodly Snapchat score and the way he says “Saturdays are for the Boys” unironically. But the worst thing about him? The way he treats you.

After a few days of shameless sulking and numerous plots for revenge, you’re left too mentally exhausted to give a damn. You recognize that maybe they’re not necessarily a bad person (maybe) -- but they’re also not the person for you. With your busy schedule, insane amount of assignments and overflowing social life, you’ve got no time for someone who doesn’t make time for you.