According to Taylor Swift, feeling 22 involves being “happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.” I turned 22 a few days ago, and I can’t help but think that this line perfectly encapsulates what I’ve been feeling. One moment I’m having the time of my life, and the next I am faced with the fear that I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’ve been looking forward to turning 22 for a while, but during my birthday, I couldn’t help but focus on the “confused” and “lonely” feelings that came over me. For many, 22 marks the year of graduating college, getting a first job post-grad, and moving into an apartment with friends.
For me, 22 looks a bit different.
I took a semester off from college and transferred schools, so I’ve found myself a year behind where many of my high school classmates are. While they’re preparing to graduate this spring, I’m making my way through my junior year and worrying about being behind on internships. Sometimes, I feel like I’m behind in life as a whole simply because I’ve had a different college journey than most people I know. By being 22 and in gen-eds with freshmen, and still not being entirely sure which direction I want to go career-wise, feelings of loneliness and confusion have taken over at times.
Some days, I feel just as lost as I did four years ago as a senior in high school, when I had no idea what I would major in- let alone if I even wanted to go to college. It always felt like everyone around me knew exactly what they wanted, and I was just lost in a haze of confusion. This haze followed me through my first two years of college when I was full of questions: Am I giving up my dream of working in television? Am I hurting myself by going to a small school where I feel like I already know everyone? Will I regret not studying in California? Is it too late to start over?
At 21, I finally decided to end this constant stream of questions by transferring and taking a chance on myself. The confusion subsided a little, but the loneliness came in full-force. It felt like I was a freshman all over again, surrounded by strangers who seemed so confident in their capabilities. All around me were classmates who seemed like they had been writing, producing, and editing their entire lives. And there I was, feeling like an outsider who still had no idea what she was doing.
Granted, I have things figured out a bit more than 18-year-old Maggie did, and I’m slowly catching up at Temple University. I know that I enjoy writing and that I want to be a part of the film and television industry. I’ve finally figured out how to work a video camera, and I even got to be an executive producer for one of my production classes’ projects. I have an opportunity to study in Los Angeles for a couple weeks this summer, and I’ve secured my first internship. I’ve even met other transfer students and learned that I’m not alone in feeling inferior and a little clueless at times.
I still have at least three more semesters until I graduate, and I’m not quite sure what life will look like then. Right now, I’m just trying to focus on achieving the “happy” and “free” parts of being 22.
Even just a few days into being 22, I’ve already experienced plenty of the confusing aspects- and I’m ready for the good parts to begin. I’m ready to begin feeling a bit freer and like an adult by working and traveling, and I’m excited to have adventures with new friends this year.
I don’t know exactly what 22 has in store for me, but if it’s anything like Taylor Swift’s song, I’m in for a fun ride.