There is an innate infatuation we have with our fellow humans. The reason our species was able to submit the most barbarous of creatures and achieve world domination. We cannot resist the simplicities of utter connection.
I think this idea of connection has been misconstrued into purely romantic love. I mean, when was the last time you saw a Disney princess with a friend group? As a woman, I have been led to believe that to achieve “the good life,” I must find my soulmate. I’ve been filtering through these so-called pursuits whose potential is concocted with the desperation of attention. I’ve wasted so much time wallowing in self-pity because I haven’t gotten a Snapchat back from some loser instead of realizing what I have already. I have the good life because I’ve found my soulmates. My people.
I was never a “friend group type” of person. I would self-devote to a singular person and pour my energy into their being until I was sucked dry. I’d assumed love was religious- an unconditional faith that we’ll be there for each other. Once this love morphed into quid-pro-quo, the relationship was doomed.
I didn’t understand how to love respectfully. I feel like society pushed me into thinking I was the one responsible for the outcome of love. I bared kindness and fortitude to feed these relationships to last exponentially. Every ending was a failure, and every fight was a fault. But I’ve realized this just isn’t true.
Through my journey at Temple University, I met my people. Who would have thought those fairytale-like dorm shenanigans would bring me my best friends? Hallway knocks led to open doors and long talks, late night gabs, elevator hopping, and true bonding.
In the beginning, I had such a deep fear and anticipation of how I could ever start over. I was also obsessed with the idea of finding a lover. I was feeling so unfulfilled and drained coming out of high school, I was convinced the only way to become happy was to be in love. I mean, that’s what everyone tells you. Spoiler alert: my choices of potential partners were quite questionable, as the Temple Tinder pool is personally dissatisfying and slightly deranged.
Instead, I found something else. Something I didn’t really expect. My best friends. This was the first time I’ve experienced such a united bond with people I just clicked with. We didn’t have years of bonding time or any basic knowledge of each other, yet our energies weaved together to inspire a magnetic connection. I simply love them.
This isn’t an unrequited love, co-dependency, or just for convenience. They make my life joyous. They are people who make me feel light when my head and heart are cloudy. I can now understand the stories of soulmates. The air knew something I didn’t.
The idea of the future crumbles me. Its incomprehensive flow always plays jokes as it cackles in spite. I hate how it knows more than me. I hate how it’s nonexistent yet certain. However, I learned to trust the wise path of life and stop forcing myself to fit into these societal boxes.
For me, the balance of life requires the flow of individuals. When they leave, their breath fuels your change; and when they stay, their spirit grounds your being. I’ve never felt more grounded than when I’m at Temple. Traveling home feels like a time warp where I mutate back into my old anxious self and everything seems to be slipping away. Here, I am home. My people presented the key to the good life.
I have learned to trust my people instead of trying to fix society’s made-up insecurities. I never want to feel like I am chasing in a relationship. I want to live in the exhale of peace. The good life with my good people. I am connected to the heart- not the idea.