I Tried the Crystal Ball Frappuccino And This is How it Went

After Starbucks’ obnoxiously-vibrant Unicorn Frappuccino and their way-too-scary Zombie Frappuccino, I thought I’d seen it all...I was wrong.

On Thursday, March 22, Starbucks dropped their Crystal Ball Frappuccino, a peach-flavored drink with peach whipped cream, turquoise sprinkles, and either blue, green or purple candy gems. I say "either" because the color of your gems is allegedly a “mystery” and can tell your future. Or, something like that.

Since I’ve been scarred before, I knew the Frapp wouldn’t taste even remotely as good as it looked. Alas, I remained hopeful. When Thursday came around, I marched my half-asleep self down to the Starbucks at the Tech (which, as a coffee connoisseur, is the best Starbucks on campus) and ordered a Crystal Ball Frappuccino as proudly as any 18-year-old gal could. Which, consequently gave me flashbacks to 7th grade, drinking my cotton candy Frappuccino in an Aeropostale graphic-tee at the local mall.

Despite the shame of ordering this mystical drink in front of my fellow collegiates, I was ready to see if the drink could live up to its appearance.

Spoiler: it did not.

Okay, I’m not going to say it was terrible. And, I can’t deny that I drank a substantial amount of it. But, I can’t say it was enjoyable. I definitely wanted to like it, but something about it just kept me from appreciating its fruity and creamy taste.

As someone who always opts for peach-flavored teas and smoothies, I had higher expectations for this drink. Even more disappointing was that I didn’t learn anything about my future from the mysterious candy gems. What does this all mean? Why is this all worth it? Similar to all of the men in my life, I felt disappointed, but honestly not surprised, by this drink.

To get a second opinion on this interesting creation, I turned to the only person I knew could be unapologetically blunt and honest: my roommate, Hannah. Hannah seemed to have disliked the drink even more than me and, when we got to the halfway mark of the Frappuccino, our stomachs were just about full of the overly-sweet, green concoction. But wasting a $5 Frappuccino? Not in this economy! We decided we’d try to pawn it off to one of our close friends, who reaction to trying the drink was “what the f*ck?!”

Sigh.

With no other options, we continued to drink our Crystal Ball Fraps because we are #broke #college #students fueled entirely by caffeine.

After nearly drinking ourselves to sickness (which sounds much worse than it actually is), we concluded that the Crystal Ball Frappuccino was just a bit too sweet and creamy for us. At 380 calories, this drink was not worth it—which is not something I say often. Only one thing can be known for sure—I will most definitely never be ordering the Crystal Ball Frappuccino again.

However, if you don’t believe me, test the Crystal Ball Frappuccino for yourself. But, you better hustle over to the Tech Center soon, because this drink will only be available until Monday, March 26.