Since I was three years old, I have had incredibly thick hair and a lot of it. It has always been difficult for me to take care of it, though I do love to experiment with different hairstyles. Despite how unmanageable my hair can be, it does grow quickly. If I do something I don’t like, it will grow back within a couple of months. It is a way for me to have some control over my hair, and as a way of reclaiming a part of myself.
Whenever things seem out of my control, I change my hair to bring back control in my life.
This is actually a common occurrence. Often when people go through particularly draining periods of their lives, they reach for the scissors and/or hair dye. It’s a way for people to hold on to what they can, or even signify a fresh start. Psychotherapist Sara Kubric explains “a hair change can mark a new beginning or be symbolic of letting go.”
I had to wear a uniform in middle and high school, so my hair was my only outlet for self expression. I opted for chopping off half of my hair in sixth grade, and then dyed half of it blonde right after I finished seventh grade. Were these great hair choices or even executed well? Absolutely not, but it was my hair. By doing this, I was able to establish it as my own.
My last two years of high school were characterized by the COVID-19 pandemic, breaking up with my boyfriend and the college decision process. Important aspects of my life were changing rapidly, and I was becoming an adult at an alarming speed. It seemed like I had no control over my life, so I took it out on my hair.
I tried out bangs at the start of lockdown. Then tried the e-girl pink hair strands after my breakup, Later, I chopped off my hair once again (though it did look better than when I was 12), after my family and I put down my childhood dog. Important aspects of my life were changing, so why couldn’t my hair as well?
Now in my twenties, I have realized how freeing it is to be able to change my hair as I please. It is how I have always shown self expression, and it is my own way of reclaiming myself when everything seems to be going wrong.
I can’t control everything, but I can control my hair.