Like me, you probably realized that you have been in a relationship with what seems like a brick wall. You deserve better.
Right before going to college, I just got out of a long-term relationship. It was my first love, and the breakup hit me extremely hard, to say the least. I felt defeated, let down, and just drained from the whole situation. I just didn’t understand how two people with so much love for each other could just not work out. But when I was finally forced into an environment where I had to focus on myself, I had come to the realization that I had not been receiving what I deserved.
I have since come to terms with the fact that I was ignoring all the signs that were right in front of me the whole time. When things were rocky in my relationship, I continued to see everything through rose-colored glasses. I am extremely happy to finally be in a place where I can reflect on this experience and use it to help me learn and grow.
Don’t think that it will be worse without them because it won’t be. Of course, it will sting and hurt for a while, but everything happens for a reason. You will overcome your pain. One of my many obstacles was being afraid of what life would be like without my partner and how painful a breakup would surely be. I remember thinking, there is no way I can just move on from this. I need to stay in this for my own good.
Staying in a relationship for this reason is not enough. Looking back, the fact that I was even thinking about life without my partner was a sign that deep down things were not as good as I wanted to pretend they were.
It’s okay to feel dumb afterwards. I certainly did. I felt as if all the loyalty and energy I put into my relationship had just been completely thrown away. I felt extremely vulnerable, and honestly embarrassed for fighting for the relationship for so long. However, with time, I eventually grew okay with it all. I am someone who is loyal and lives with my heart on my sleeve, and I feel that is a great way to be. I was just continuing to put my heart into something I shouldn’t have, but I don’t regret it because I know I was being the real me. I followed my heart, which is what I always intend to do. Do not regret feeling the way that you do because you can’t help how you feel.
Take your time, feel your emotions, and realize that time heals all. While going through such a sad and confusing time, of course, you will be met with people who are supporting you and are saying things like “Forget it!” People might urge you to just “move on” and “just go on a date” before you’re really ready. While I knew these comments were coming from a good place, I often found them overwhelming. It made me question myself and my progress. I would think, am I not supposed to feel sad anymore? Should I feel okay by now? Why do I not feel okay yet?
Slowly, I realized taking your time is the best way to overcome the negative emotions you are experiencing. It is so important to truly feel your emotions. Only once you have done that, it’s time to start working towards positive changes in your life. Take all the time you need to cry it out, and then only when you’re ready, will you start to build yourself back up. It might seem impossible in the moment, but it will be worth it in the end.
Allow yourself to let go. You will know when you are finally letting go. Whether it’s allowing someone new to come into your life, accepting a new job opportunity, or just having a shift in mindset– something will eventually happen that will allow you the confidence to finally close this chapter.
At first, I was scared to let go because it was sad to leave behind a person and relationship that was such a big part of my life for so long. While I will forever be grateful for those memories, there came a point after the breakup where the only thing that person was doing was holding me back from achieving my fullest potential. The pain of the breakup made me lose myself for so long, and I am finally feeling like myself again. I love the person I have become and all of the things I have been doing since allowing myself to let go.
Heartbreaks are painful. The only thing you can do is learn from them and make sure to never settle for anything less than you deserve.