Begin every morning as usual. Make your coffee, add your favorite creamer, and blow on it so you don’t burn your tongue. Text him. Text him immediately. Make sure you are the first person to wish him good morning. It is imperative that you do this.
Eat your breakfast, and make sure you check your phone periodically when you’re getting ready. Blow dry your hair, check your phone. Brush your teeth, check your phone. Grab your books, check your phone.
Wait for him to respond. Do not focus on anything else until he answers you. It usually takes about an hour and a half, maybe two hours on a weekday. Stay by your phone and don’t stop thinking about it until he texts you back.
Send him a “good morning” Snapchat. He will open it, but won’t send one back. This is protocol.
He will respond to your text, eventually. He will disregard the fact it took him so long to answer, and won’t ask you about your day. Keep the conversation going anyway.
Post a link to a funny video on his Facebook wall, because it features his favorite comedian parodying Bernie Sanders. He will watch it, and like it. He’ll laugh and show his friends. He won’t like or comment on it, but he’ll text you to show his approval. You feel accomplished and ask him to hang out after he’s done with his homework.
He says yes, and you wait by your phone for his, “Done, on my way” text. Don’t do your own homework, instead refresh Snapchat to see if he updates his story. He does, but he’s not doing homework. Instead, he’s at a bar. You hear a girl’s voice, but tell yourself it’s just a friend. Don’t confront him about lying to you, because it’s not like you’re dating, anyway.
He will text you at 1:00 a.m. You are tired, and you have a presentation in your 8 a.m. English class the next day, but stay up extra late for him to come over anyway. When he gets there, make sure to make him a snack. His mouth will taste like beer, and his cologne will leave an invisible stain on your pillowcase, and you’ll anticipate smelling it every night when you to go sleep. You’ll have short, unfulfilling sex that satisfies him, but leaves you wanting more. When he rushes to get inside you, do not show the pain on your face. Cry out in pleasure.
One thrust, two thrusts, three thrusts, and he’s done. Your hair smells like his cologne mixed with sweat, and your mouth tastes like cheap alcohol. He thanks you, as if you just shook on a business deal. You are flattered, but shouldn’t be. Lie there, for a few minutes, in a pool of sweat. He doesn’t kiss you when he’s done. Don’t cry.
He will slide his jeans on over his boxers, and slides his belt through the loops, because he “has to get going.” “Stay,” you plead with him. He argues with you, and you plead with him more, pretending to be playful, but you know you need him more than he’ll ever need you. He stays, and sleeps soundly on the other side of the bed while you wonder why you’ll never be quite good enough for him to want to stay.
The next day, a friend will text you, telling you about a rumor she heard about him hooking up with a girl at the bar the night before. You dismiss it. It can’t be true. Ignore her. She is jealous that you are dating an older, popular guy on campus.
When the weekend comes, he doesn’t ask for you to go out with him and his friends. “That’s fine,” you think to yourself. “I’ll see him later.” While getting ready for a night out, another friends mentions a different rumor she heard about him
. This time, believe her. Get your revenge. Make him sorry for not being loyal.
Find a guy at the party who is better looking than him, with a better body. Dance with him, and slip out of the house to make your getaway back to your apartment. Push the new guy him up against the wall and kiss him desperately, with the same passion you wish he would give to you. Make him believe that in those moments, you are the only girl in the world.
When the new guy texts the next day, don’t answer. When he asks you to hang out again, ignore him. Play the game. Make the rules. Gain control again.
Make sure he knows about your late night fling with the new guy. Ensure that he hurts that same way you do.
When your friends question your infidelity, laugh at them. Say they don’t know what you’re going through. Tell them they would do the same thing if they were you. They start to drift away from you, and don’t ask you to hang out anymore.
Break ties with him. End it. Decide that this time you are making the rules, and you are the most valuable player in this game.Your friends will be glad.
Find more guys. Sleep with them. Drink yourself into an oblivion comparable to a hurricane and pull them into bed with you.
Avoid speaking with them again. Reserve your conversations with males for after a certain evening hour. Use them like they’ve used you.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable with one again. He likes music, like you, and has the same sense of humor. Open up to him. Believe this time it will be different. Convince yourself it’s not just about sex anymore, and that he cares.
He will tell you that he sees a future with you, and you will want to spend the night with him. Do it. Enjoy the sex with him, and afterwards, tell him you’re not looking to be hurt anymore.
Cut him off when he proves to be just like the rest of them.
Because the truth is, sweetheart, everybody gets hurt.