Everyone shows their stress in different ways, but a surefire sign of an overworked Temple guy is…the beard. Yes, you’ve seen it. Your boyfriend is probably doing it now.
But don’t worry, ladies. Depending on who your lover-boy is, his neglected razor will soon be getting the attention it deserves. While we strip away layers of clothes leading up to summer, the fellas will be stripping away layers of that grizzly hair that’s been assaulting their faces.
I’m not throwing any shade on Zach Galifianakis, some women love that. And it might not be so bad after all. According to Jack Passion, author of The Facial hair Handbook, and writer Natasha Burton, a guy’s facial hair says a lot about him. I spoke with four Temple ladies to get their scoop on what they think facial hair says about a guy.
The Full Beard
“No, that’s too much,” says Toni Distasio, sophomore.
“I’m not into it,” chimes senior Chelsea Lapent. “Some styles just look lazy and I’m not into that. I mean, I wouldn’t be prejudiced against them because of it.”
“Personally, it looks best when it’s not unkempt,” says sophomore Rebecca Barnard. “But as long as he likes it and he’s confident, then it’s attractive.”
“I love it,” swoons sophomore Alisha Brown. “But you have to get it shaped up, like Rick Ross. That’s attractive.”
What it really says about him:This guy is the king of the jungle. He’s an alpha-male and, much like a lion, his mane represents his power. Or he’s weird and lazy. You have to use your discretion with this guy. Check out his clothes, his demeanor, the way he carries himself. He could either be a chest-beating boss, a little shy, incredibly lazy, or on the verge of losing his mind.
The Light Beard or Scruff
Toni: “Yes, that’s what I love! It says to me that he’s rebellious and I always notice that. All my ex-boyfriends have scruff.”
Chelsea: “Scruff is cool.”
Rebecca: “Oh man, I love scruff. I think it’s really attractive, especially if it’s not at the weird awkward stage.”
Alisha: “No, it either has to be a full beard or shaved. No in-betweens.”
What it really says about him:According to Passion, it’s all in the jeans. Take a good look at the guy’s pants. If they’re designer: he’s a playboy. He knows he’s hot and wants to get laid. If they’re covered in paint: he’s an artist, probably with filthy rich parents. My diagnosis: he’s a hottie and you jump on him the first chance you get. Meeoow.
Toni: “It has to be accompanied by a goatee.”
Chelsea: “Nah. That’s a little outdated.”Rebecca: “That’s really touchy for me. If it’s full, it’s definitely…questionable.”
Alisha: “It reminds me of my dad. It’s cool.”
What it really says about him: Ah, the ever controversial ‘stache. Burt Reynolds, Little Richie, Tom Selleck (swoon). This look can make or break a man. Passion calls it “the only difficult part of the beard.” And you gotta give props to a guy who takes that challenge on headfirst. It means he’s definitely up for a challenge. Sometimes the ‘stache makes you look like Creepy Creeperton. Be careful not to steer towards those little skinny, weird mustaches, and keep it groomed. Let’s end on a high note here: a well-groomed mustache is the sexiest. Call me, Tom Selleck.
Toni: “That also says rebellious to me. I like it.”
Chelsea: “It’s not that bad.”
Rebecca: “By itself, it’s like ‘come on.’ But with a mustache and goatee, it could work a lot better.”
Alisha: “It’s kind of creepy. It reminds me of a foreigner.”
What it really says about him:This is also known as the “soul patch” and Passion says it indicates a fondness of the 90s. Worn with some accompanying facial hair, however, it can easily turn into a lady-killer. It just reminds me of T-bag from Prison Break. Please don’t do it alone.
Toni: “This makes me think of A.J. from the Backstreet Boys. In that case, it looks nice and makes me appreciate that he took the time to groom himself.”
Chelsea: “It’s a lot better than just the mustache.”
Rebecca: “You have to have the right face for it. Not all guys can pull it off, but it works best on most people when it’s kept short.”
Alisha: “I don’t like that. If it’s just the goatee, then that’s fine.”
What it really says about him:A little bit ‘stache, goatee and flavor-saver. It
looks like he’s either trying to hide his cutesy-wutesy wittle baby face, or he’s just got a little style and wants to walk on the wild side every now and then. I say: let him have his fun. As long as you’re enjoying the ride right next to him.
Toni: “Ew.”Chelsea: “They’re funny.”
Rebecca: “Ooohhh, no. It reminds me of a gym teacher. There’s always that one guy on campus, though, who doesn’t look bad with it, but I wouldn’t jump to get to know you or anything. It takes a special individual to pull it off.”
Alisha: “I’ve never even met anybody with that. No.”
What it really says about him: “It takes work,” says Passion. “This guy is not afraid to let it grow and express his wild side.” This guy’s not afraid of anything. Even chopping your body up stuffing it in a plastic bag. No judgment. To each his own. Blah blah blah. Just don’t do it, okay.
Toni: “This just says that you’re too clean-cut. It’s not bad on the right occasion,
Chelsea: “I prefer this to anything else. It means he has a job and money.”
Rebecca: “Whenever my boyfriend shaves, I tell him he looks like a child.”
Alisha: “Yeah, it’s fine.”
What it really says about him:Passion is biased in his opinion of clean-shaven men, so the discretion is ours. I personally like to feel the scruffy hair bristling my cheeks, even if it stings a little. Clean-shaven is perfectly fine at times, but you’ve gotta throw caution to the wind at some point and let those whiskers roam, baby. Call me, Nick Jonas.
So what have we learned here? We all like different things (save the mutton chops) and there’s plenty of variety on Temple’s campus. But make sure you read into the total package before you make snap judgments. Now go and get him, tiger. And ladies: play nice.