Sometimes we don’t know where to start with self-care. Here are a few tips to make it easier for you!
Like many college students, a good friend of mine has struggled to upkeep her room and take part in self-care in between work, homework, and classes. One night, she managed to do everything and was so proud of herself. The next day, she called me crying.
Before she called, she proudly declared her accomplishment to a friend in her class. Someone else chimed in, “You always have it together, I never do.”
At face value, what they said wasn’t wrong. My friend is accomplished and steadfast in her career and schoolwork. Unknown to her classmate, my friend was struggling just 48 hours prior. She was crying to me about her lack of motivation and I was helping her ground herself. The small self-deprecating comment made by her classmate brought her back to that moment.
As women, we are programmed to be so self-deprecating, that we see another woman winning as us losing. We are programmed to see each other as competition for everything. Our self-talk is riddled with comparison rather than genuine confidence that comes from us. We need to de-program ourselves; this can come in many different ways.
Much of the work comes with being secure in your choices. It is easier said than done. One of my biggest tips is to take baby steps. You also need to recognize that baby steps are okay to take. Many accomplished women believe they have to participate in hustle culture. The real challenge is prioritizing yourself. Just fake it until you make it!
Any intrusive negative thoughts need to be pushed out in a way that you are most comfortable with. You can practice saying “no” out loud, even just to yourself. You can use grounding exercises when those negative thoughts start coming in, like the five senses exercise. Five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. It takes your mind away from those thoughts and you can follow it up by distracting yourself with positive affirmations.
Take stock of your environment as well. Surround yourself with knick-knacks, comfortable sheets, self-care items, art you made, or anything else you find beautiful or comforting. You don’t have to use what you surround yourself with physically, use it mentally. Use it for the grounding techniques from earlier. Recognize that you are deserving of self-care and self-love. Using the trinkets around your room can really help you build a better relationship with yourself.
Another step to self-care is minding your circle. Understand who you surround yourself with, and make sure those people align with what you need in a relationship. Have conversations about what you all have accomplished and uplift one another. Also, take time to have those not-so-fun conversations, because that is what helps people become vulnerable and more connected with one another. Use these relationships as inspiration for better self-talk and self-care.
The ultimate goal is to give yourself the love that you give others. You probably already uplift your friends. You opening doors for people, maybe even drop a compliment or two. Give that to yourself too. Make you the most important person in your life.