2020 was a year that us “young-wild-and-free” adults thought would be our chance to shine and create an independent life for ourselves away from our families. We were prepared to put in the hard work, earn our degrees, figure out how to stay healthy and on schedule, all without the help of mom and dad. Obviously, this is NOT what this year has turned out to be. In light of Covid-19 coming to our country, and most likely kicking you out of your college dorm and into your childhood bedroom, we have encountered a few more obstacles that we did not expect to deal with during our young adult lives. One major issue is our parents. While they are probably stoked to have you home, it’s challenging to try and navigate your adult world under the same roof as your parents. So, I have created some hopefully helpful tips to combat the much needed parental boundaries while living at home.
- Start with a Schedule
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Since we are all at home practically 24/7, does not mean we are free 24/7 to hangout with our parents. Your schedule compared to your parents’ is most likely very different, and I know by now you have probably experienced them awkwardly walking in while you’re in the middle of your zoom class. The best way to fix this issue is to layout a schedule with all of your class times and meeting times for each week, and labeling those times as “off-limits”. Pin this to your bedroom door, or outside the room you get your work done in, and make them aware of the schedule, so they do not disrupt you during your school time. If the interruptions are really a big issue, create designated “study” or “homework” times on your calendar that are also “off-limits”. You could use this designated time to actually get your work done, or just for some alone time, uninterrupted.
- Communicate Your Needs
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For our parents, a schedule is a schedule, and it has been years since they have had to “go with the flow” of workloads. This may be expressed by them through assuming you will be prepared to have every meal with them at the exact time they have planned it. It is okay to explain to your parents to set aside a plate for you for later, or that if they really would like a meal with you it needs to be pushed to a better time that suits your academic schedule. This dinner issue is the most common with college students at home, so if you are struggling to communicate this inconvenience to your ‘rents, ask a friend how they are managing this conversation. It is also best to express the space you need. Aside from the calendar, you may have created habits for yourself while away at school that you would like to maintain. Communicating how Friday nights are chicken nugget nights, or how you plan to do drunk zoom nights with friends this semester is the best way to keep them in the loop while also keeping them at an arm’s length for you to do your thing. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
- Make Compromises
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Having your parents completely readjust to your college schedule is not the most fair way of going about this situation. While it is good to communicate your plans and needs, it is also just as important to hear out their feelings, and be respectful of their house rules. If your parents have an earlier bedtime schedule than you, talk through with them the best ways not to disturb each other during your sleep periods. For me, I have to go into my basement to avoid disturbing my parents when they go to bed at night, and they have to avoid doing loud chores around the house while I am sleeping-in in the mornings. Another form of compromises that might need to be made is with the grocery list. In your time away from home, you may have figured out your groove with groceries. My best advice for this is to ask for certain days to make the dinners, or ask for specific items to make it’s way on to the grocery list each week. Your parents should be understanding and respectful of your choices if you are prepared with the information in advance of the weekly meal prep. Another suggested area where you can maintain responsibility for yourself is with the laundry. Many parents believe they are doing a service for their kids by doing the laundry, which is definitely true in my case, but this is an area that can keep us on track for adulting. We would otherwise be doing it ourselves, and we want to stay prepared to go back into the adult world the moment we can.
The biggest lesson we could learn from this year is that we all should try to be better communicators for what we need, even if it’s with our parents. We also need to remember that most of our parents are just excited to have us back, so making the time to be with them is just as important as making sure you maintain your young adult schedules.