In keeping with the season, February is the perfect time to watch a good romantic movie or a not-so-romantic romance movie. These movies are just too delightfully awful to truly be a bad watch. I have written before about some of my favorite horror films of all time, so it felt fitting for the month of love and Hallmark cards to share my favorite bad romance movies. Though I will admit, a good-bad film is one that passes on a technical level. The film is pretty to look at, has decent sound, uses okay music and overall, it leaves you with a felling of, “That was okay, I know I wasn’t supposed to laugh, but that was pretty fun.” Its terribleness doesn’t initially become evident until you think about how a relationship of that sort would play out in reality, and you think No, I don’t want to be someone’s manic pixie dream girl. Then you rewatch Casablanca and you realize you should have just watched Casablanca from the start. But we’re not here to talk about masterpieces. We’re here to talk about “trashterpieces,” and there is no better trashterpiece to start a bad-good rom binge then Twilight.
Twilight
The movie Twilight is like someone read vampire fan-fiction from the early 2000s, filmed a reenactment in slow-motion, then put a blue filter over it. This, in turn, created the perfect hot garbage movie for sleepovers and late-night watches. Nobody in their right mind would want to be a Bella or an Edward in real life, and that is the joy of experiencing Twilight. Because watching Twilight is an experience: the experience of suspended belief that somebody in the world sat down and thought, how we can make a sexy teen version of ‘Dracula’? Then, having to suspend that disbelief further: a producer read the script and thought, I could make a million dollars off this if it was a movie, and then actually made the damned thing, bringing in 8 million dollars in the process. Twilight is a paradox. It’s beautiful: the breathtaking cinematography, the ominous yet graceful score, the elegance of the sets, and the almost unreal beauty of the cast. And yet every word that comes out of their mouths is so mind-bendingly silly. Every reaction to every plot reveal and narrative beat is a fever dream. Twilight is a train wreck of napalm and glitter fantasy, yet you can’t look away. Twilight is so bad, yet so good, and everything in between, that it just must be watched before judgement is passed on it. I loath to say I enjoyed watching this movie, but I enjoyed it. It made me laugh when I know I shouldn’t have, but like all “so bad its good” movies, it’s best watched with friends who also laugh at inappropriate times.
Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones
A little bit of background first, since part of a good train wreck film is its hellish development. There is no denying that George Lucas could be considered one of the most influential and revolutionary filmmakers of his era. That said, while he is a brilliant writer of epic and subversive tales of battle and war, the one thing Lucas lacks is the ability to write romance. It is in this regard that he fails in the most entertaining way possible. The Star Wars franchise stretches across three generations, across film, television, novels, and even video games. Among these, multiple writers and creators were pulled, creating some of the most compelling and emotional relationships in fiction. That said, in a franchise as massive as this one, not every entry is as groundbreaking and impressive as Battlefront 5. The early 2000’s marked a resurgence in Star Wars‘ popularity and saw studios approaching Lucas with offers to produces a prequel trilogy to accompany the original films. Lucas felt that he could not undertake this venture alone, as he had done the originals by reaching out to his close friend Steven Spielberg to act as co-director. Spielberg then supposedly read the script for what would become known as The Phantom Menace. Spielberg looked at Lucas with surprise, told his friend he needed help, and then left the project. Lucas, despite all warnings, proceeded to make the film and its two sequels, all three of which flopped. While Revenge of the Sith has seen a wonderful revival as a cult classic, and I would gladly recommend it, I’m not here to talk about the good stuff. It is Attack of the Clones, the awkward and oh-so-wonderfully horrible middle phase of the prequel era, that we’re talking about. Not only does Lucas give us the most accurate depiction of a teenager in Hayden Christin’s portrayal of Anakin Skywalker, but he also gives us the most unrealistic relationship between Skywalker and his older girlfriend Padme Amidala, played by Natalie Portman. Attack of the Clones tries very hard to be a convincing tale of forbidden love forced apart during an unavoidable war. Instead, it’s more like a hook-up turned obsessive co-dependent dumpster fire. Most of this is attributed to Lucas’ awkward flirting dialog, including the infamous “I hate sand,” line, among others which originate in this film. Ewan McGregor and Samuel Jackson really steal the show for this movie but are little more than side players to this story. This film is best enjoyed with nerdy friends who know way too much lore and accompanied by drinking game.
Purple Heart
Out of all the films on this list, this one creeps the closest to being good. But it falls short because of how much it relies on its plot to push its romance forward, instead relying on the chemistry between the individuals to make it an enjoyable story. This is definitely one of the better Netflix romance movies to come out of their independent projects. That said, it still has some issues. Purple Heart is a twist on the arranged marriage trope. Its union happens out of necessity, and their love blooms after their marriage, instead of before. The story follows an aspiring singer and her husband, a U.S. Marine, as they navigate the rocky ups and downs of their “necessity marriage.” It’s a passible concept on paper, but it’s just missing that little touch of detail that would have put it over the top. Mainly, just a few simple Google searches could have made sure things as simple as the Marines’ costumes were accurate. The original songs are definitely the highlight of the film and are implemented almost perfectly into the narrative, reflecting the growing relationship between the two. That said, the songs are extremely corny. The progression of the narrative is also inconstant, with it jumping forward in awkward places and making it so the story feels like it’s grasping at straws. Even so, its overuse of the old “opposites attract” and “liar reveled” tropes makes the film feel more cliché and leads to bits of hilarity that should have been serious moments. Overall, I enjoyed the film. It offers an interesting and unique perspective on military relationships and has compelling characters, even if the situations they find themselves in feel stretched, compared to their grounded personalities. This film is best enjoyed with the company of a U.S. Marine so they can point out all the inaccurate-ness in every scene. If a Marine cannot be found, an Army recruit will do.
Bee Movie
Jerry Seinfeld must have been on crack when he pitched the Bee Movie to DreamWorks. DreamWorks, in return, must have been on LSD to accept the pitch. That said, Bee Movie is the only film on this list where the comedy is intentional, so there’s that. Even so, the relationship between Barry B. Benson, the bumblebee, and Vanessa, the human, is too funny to ever be taken seriously, despite this film being almost entirely about their relationship. This film is an acid trip and must be seen to be believed. Despite this hysterical premise, Bee Movie is actually a genuinely funny film that goes really hard. Like, really hard. This movie has no right being as funny as it is. In all honesty, this is probably the funniest film to ever come out of animation studio during its time of release, and it’s the funniest thing Jerry Seinfeld has ever written. The dated computer animation, the exaggerated voice acting, the court room scene; everything about this movie is just so perfect yet so wrong. It is one thing to enjoy the memes and copy paste the whole script into tiny margins, but it is another to sit through the actual film and not be baffled by the attention to detail. This film is pretty much a collection of every bee joke that was ever thought of, and then some. If Ratatouille defines films about an animal reaching beyond its own world and becoming a creative entity of talent and heart, then Bee Movie is the anti-Ratatouille. Watching Bee Movie and then literally any other animated film afterward is like taking a brick to the face and enjoying every second. Animation is a magical, other-worldly medium of film that is unmatched in its creativity and beauty. That is what makes Bee Movie so special: it takes all of that magic and whimsy and uses it to tell the most bonkers story imaginable. This film is best enjoyed completely sh*tfaced with as many people as possible.
50 First Dates
“Adam Sandler in ‘Gaslighting’ – the romance movie”, is a joke you may have heard about 50 First Dates. And yes, this film does look that way on a surface glance. 50 First Dates is actually about a man named Henry Roth, played by Adam Sandler, who falls in love with a woman who sufferers short-term memory loss, played by Drew Barrymore. The gaslighting joke got popular as a result of the opening scene, where Henry meets Lucy, and not knowing about her condition, he assumes he’s being gaslit when she doesn’t recognize him. This is nowhere near as funny as some of Sandler’s other films, but it is passible, and it’s one of the more emotional ones he’s taken part in developing. The film has not aged as well as some of the other films made by Sandler at this time, and that has a lot to do with how the film handles Lucy’s amnesia and her individuality as a person. Despite this, Lucy and Henry’s relationship is a lot healthier then some of the other entries on this list, *cough* Twilight *cough*. 50 First Dates‘ main problem is that it can suffer a severe tone shift with its situational comedy and serious romance core, which can be funny in a whiplash setting but really doesn’t help it actually be funny. A lot of the “funny-haha” moments in this movie, for me personally, come from the fact that Adam Sandler is not handsome-sexy at all. He’s trying to play a suave-playboy persona, when, for the entire film, his dorky theater-nerd self is on full-blast with this character. 50 First Dates is a delightful romp of a time that doesn’t really leave the viewer flabbergasted by absurdity, but it’s just cute and fun with its stretched premise. This film is best enjoyed with snacks.
Honorable Mention -Too good to be bad, but just short of perfect.
As Good as It Gets
If you have seen As Good as It Gets you may be wondering why its on this list and to that I say, you’re right. As Good as It Gets is a remarkable, moving, and compelling film with heart and compassion at its core. That said, the relationship between Melvin Udall, played by Jack Nicholson, and Carol Connelly, played by Helen Hunt, is an absolute disaster that borders on toxic at times. As Good as It Gets pulls a lot on exaggerated circumstance of Udall’s situation, and not always in the best of ways. This leads to a lot of dark comedy and subverted reveals as we learn more about Udall through Carol and the others that make up Udall’s circle. As Good as It Gets follows a similar style of continuous, daily-life narration, like Forrest Gump and The World According to Garp do. Both of these films are some of my favorites of all time, and I would put As Good as It Gets up there on that list, even with its flaws. Even so, all three films are incredibly long, something I know not all movie-goers can stand. As Good as It Gets is not the most romantic of romance movies, but that is part of its incredible premise. Udall’s character revolves around healing and becoming better so he can be worth something to Carol. A lot of people like to say films made in the 80s and 90s could not be made today, and many are just exaggerations of the current censorship laws we live with. As Good as It Gets is one of the few that could only exist as it is at the time it was made because of this. The stance the film takes has a lot to do with the darker topics it handles, and it’s the only film on this list I would say requires a trigger-warning or an adjustment in modern rating for the sensitive subjects matters of child abuse and hate violence that it tackles in the characters’ conversations. As Good as It Gets handles these mature topics incredibly well, but not so much in its main romantic plot, which can really drag on, and is the main reason I feel it can fit into a “so bad its good” category, depending on the audience. As Good as It Gets is a remarkably well-told film that just has a bad romance in it for plot propulsion. It’s an incredible watch if you’re a fan of this style of film. This film is a personal experience that can be enjoyed on its own.