As a naive high school senior, I wholeheartedly believed that getting into my dream college would surely lead to a life of success, wealth, and happiness. The image of myself walking the grounds of my dream college, repping their sweatshirt in public, and receiving approval from my peers for getting into this school dominated my thoughts. You can imagine my distress when – nearly a year ago today – I received a massive letter of rejection from them.
In the days, weeks, and even months following this rejection, I dealt a lot with feelings of worthlessness. I spent the entirety of my high school career meticulously painting a “perfect” picture of myself for this college. The girl I curated had perfect grades, hundreds of service hours, and a plan to pursue medical school after college. This girl could not make mistakes. The girl I painted didn’t have time to go explore the world around her because she was so focused on her perfect test grades. This girl was too afraid to try new things for fear that she’d fail. Worst of all, this girl couldn’t form lasting relationships because her true self was guarded behind all of these insecurities and preconceived understandings of herself. I didn’t realize that behind the girl I thought my dream college wanted was a girl who was even more exciting.
Although it took time and support from others to realize, I could finally let go of the image of myself I had so meticulously created for this college to scrutinize and judge. I was free to explore my desires as a person – not just an academic cog bound to pursue a path not meant for me. Why was I pursuing a college where I felt I couldn’t be my authentic self?
In the following months, I grew a lot as a person and student. In letting go of my need to be perfect, I found I could relate to more people than ever. Rather than hiding my academic struggles, I found strength in bonding with others over what we didn’t understand in classes. Instead of dedicating every moment not in the classroom to studying, I connected with friends over lunch and rediscovered my passion for athletics and being active. In picking my college, I chose somewhere where I knew my mind and self would be stimulated and challenged to explore. I even let go of the idea that I needed to study medicine because it seemed like the “smart” thing to do. Now I am discovering my passions across majors and careers.
When I received my rejection from my dream college, I thought my dreams were shattered. Ironically, through this rejection, I was able to reevaluate what my goals really are. What I thought was the most devastating moment in my life turned into the most defining one.