Disclaimer: The author has changed/edited all of the names and parts of the story in order to respect the privacy of her as well as those involved.
Now into the full swing of our fall semesters, we as college students shed our last stitch of summer skin in hopes for new beginnings, and in turn, bringing me to this perfect thought. My ten year old self is shaking in her small, sparkle pink sketchers; but this, right here, is inevitable. Like the iconic book and now Netflix movie series, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, I bid the boys and men in my past life the best farewell in the most iconic way I can- publishing it on the internet. ;)
Thought I’d end up with Sean… Age 12
Oh boy, where do I begin.. Remember our couple name, and our 6th grade sideways glances; the secrets you would whisper to my best friend about me, as if you didn’t know she would run and tell me. Thank you for making me blush as if it was always done for the first time.
But It Wasn’t A Match… Age 13
Remember 20 questions, when you asked me out- question 13. Numbers were always big in our whirlwind romance, 2 weeks it lasted? On the day you failed the math midterm- I am so sorry about that, but I’m glad we can look back and laugh, to be young and to have a first boyfriend again, thank you.
Wrote some songs about Ricky… Age 15
Now you, Ricky, you were something. This was when I first learned what it felt like to be ghosted, and boy did it hurt. Thank you for teaching me that wearing your heart on your sleeve might not always work in your favor, and to be careful of who you tell your secret to.
Now I listen and laugh… Age 17
Oh you. You hurt more than you should have, choosing someone I was once close to over me, just because I was around for the taking. Sometimes when you still text I laugh to myself, all in good favor- for now I know that I am worth more respect than you ever gave me.
Even Almost got Married… Age 18
To be my first love, you will always have a special place in my heart. Now that we are far apart I can’t help but wonder if you ever look back on our time together, and question if we were ever more than just a slightly toxic summer love. Even if we are nothing but, I still thank you for letting me utter a three word sentence, just to hear it back for the first time. Xx.
And For Pete I’m So Thankful… Age 18-19
You, my friend, were after him. Maybe I was looking for something, a distraction from coming down an ever Euphoric high, but I appreciate the fling we had, as well as the temporary heartbreak you gave after. It allowed me to remember it’s okay to feel things you don’t want to.
Wish I could say thank you to Malcolm… Age 16-20
And to my good friend, you were an absolute mess. Late night texts and gestures we misread. When you question something that never was; thank you for finally letting me know that my feelings weren’t once sided.
She* was an angel… Age 20
Thank you to myself, for finally understanding that you need to take time to read each sign given to you and learn from it. In it’s purest form, love yourself first and always.