I used to be a little girl who never had any worries. I used to run around my house, up and down the stairs, not giving a care if I fell on my knees. I used to call my friends and talk about absolute nonsense until the sun went down. I used to play dolls with my sister, come up with imaginary characters, and receive anything I wanted by flashing a pretty smile. I used to be a little girl without any expectations or stress, but now, I’m no longer a little girl. Now, I am a 19 (almost 20) year-old woman who carries a lot of worries. I’m now attending college. I’m now living on my own. I’m now working and starting to transfer into another job position. I’m now making my own decisions, making my own way, making a name for myself, and trying not to dig myself into an even deeper hole. I can no longer flash a pretty, innocent smile to receive the things I want, and I can no longer avoid all the expectations and stress that follow adulthood. I am now an adult.
The movie fabrications of being a teenager into being an adult were all freaking LIES!!! (for the most part). Who knew there would be so many responsibilities and decisions you’d need to make as a person who is still transitioning away from childhood? I was told that once you turn 18 years old, there would be a shift in who you are. You’ll start illuminating maturity and develop yourself in ways you could never do as a kid/teenager. Whoever told me that must have never met a person like me because the morning I turned 18, there was a shift, but it wasn’t the type of shift they were talking about. It was a shift of unwanted, unexpected, and unknown change that definitely made me feel that for the rest of my adult life, I was about to take on a whole other meaning in this world.
As a kid, I don’t think I ever wanted to be an adult. Maybe at some point when my mom would tell me I couldn’t watch certain TV shows because I was too young to understand (even though I understood plenty back then). I never wanted to give my childhood days away to quickly enter adulthood. I saw how my parents moved and interacted with adulthood, and I also observed my older sister, who struggled a lot as soon as she graduated from high school. I didn’t want to go through that, and I wanted to stay nestled in my parents’ strong embrace. But just like all of the humans in this big, overpopulated, scary world, I needed to grow up and get with the times. So…here I am, getting with the times and trying to develop what little personality and confidence I have.
I’ve recently embarked on a 4-year journey, which is the main topic of this article (not my sad developmental issues). I’ve talked about this experience in my other articles, but I only really talked about the social aspect of being on a college campus. I really wanted to explore the academic side of my experience in college, so I thought it would be interesting to share my journey as someone who literally has no idea what they want to do for their career. I struggle with the aspect of turning what little interests and skills I have into a full-blown career. I know everything shouldn’t be about making money, but I want to at least be well off with benefits, but many of the top-paying careers hold no interest to me. I tried to trick myself into thinking I was interested in becoming a nurse, so I applied to at least 12 colleges under the major of nursing. I don’t know if my mom influenced me or if I just wanted to pick a random, secure major, but I was going to go to college, enroll in classes I said I would never take, and become a nurse. That was possibly the dumbest idea, not because nursing is bad, but because I’m squeamish towards blood and very much dislike science. You might’ve guessed, but as soon as I entered college, I switched my major during the freshman welcome week.
After that, it was definitely not smooth sailing. I transferred into the communication studies major and thought all would go well. The thing that attracted me to this major was the writing part of it all. I’ve always had a strong interest in writing, whether creatively or academically. My teachers would always blow smoke up my butt whenever I wrote a poem or a story, so I had it installed in my brain that I was going to become a writer. Then as I grew up, I quickly began to realize that there’s nothing special about me as a writer. There are thousands upon thousands of little kids who grew up being praised for their writing skills, and then had the notion that they’ll become a writer in the future. I’m just a part of that large group of people who think they’ll actually make it. I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but for a person like me, who is highly introverted and socially awkward and still dealing with becoming independent, I see this dream or passion of mine not really taking off. This career involves so much networking and confidence that I’m starting to rethink my choices of transferring into this major, but what else am I going to do when my only interest is writing?
When I was fully enrolled in the communication studies department, I was instantly faced with another obstacle, which correlates with my writing career predicament. I needed to choose a specialty or section of communication studies that I wanted to study. The sections were Radio, TV, and Film (RTF), Public Communication and Mass Media Communication, and Interpersonal and Organizational Communication. I knew instantly that I wanted to do RTF because I wanted to learn how to script write for film and television, and I also wanted to take some filmmaking classes. TCNJ didn’t have a formal film studies major, but this was the closest thing to it. I always used to write scripts on my computer, and I had so many story ideas that I wanted to see come to life, so I went to the Google form to choose my specialty and clicked RTF, but that never came to be.
I psyched myself out and ended up being a part of the Interpersonal and Organizational specialty. I once again successfully tricked myself into believing that I wanted to be a part of this specialty. I thought I was going to have a career in Human Resources because many of the courses in this section connected to HR. I enrolled in my first-ever college classes and tried to find at least some interest in what I was learning. I know, I know, I’m a coward, but I was a first-year who, before, never even thought about careers until my last year of high school when I needed to list down a major on my college applications. I only relied on my lack of interests to decide what new major I was going to transfer into. I chose the choice that I thought would give me a sense of security for my later career, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I mean communication studies is all about learning how to communicate, right? What was I supposed to do?
Maybe choose the specialty you had an interest in and actually wanted to do! Don’t worry, I realized this and moved over to the RTF specialty later in the second semester, and all was good after that, or at least I hoped…