That once seen girl
Is now disappearing
In the sight of others
And in herself.
She’s gone from the world.
Gone from their sight.
Gone from their dreams.
Is this alright?
She’s away from her struggles.
Away from making others mad.
Away from her issues,
So is it really that bad?
Is it really that bad? No, not at all! I actually enjoy living by myself. I not only get to avoid dealing with a random person living with me, but I can be in a space where I can decompress all the crap that happened in my day. I also have the ability to pack my small room with whatever stuff I want, since it’s only me living there. I’m telling you, I still have stuff I haven’t unpacked, and it’s been almost three months, but that’s just the perks of not having any more room to put anything. There are so many benefits of being my own roommate that don’t only have to do with me not having a roommate, but also with the fact that I can learn to grow on my own.
I’m a heavily socialization-dependent person. I always have this need to depend on others to go out or do something fun. Living with my family, I used to be (and still kind of am) dependent on my parents and sisters to go with me to new places because I was scared to do it all alone. Now in college, where I’m forced to be more independent, I can’t really depend on them like I used to. Living alone has assisted me in becoming more of a self-sufficient and independent young adult. Also, since I’m in a new environment and can’t really rely on a roommate to be my first BFF, I’m getting pushed to take that extra step and socialize with the other students around me. Stepping out of my comfort zone and becoming more independent has certainly influenced me throughout my single life journey.
With negatives comes the positives. It’s important to know that, so I don’t scare anyone into thinking being your own roommate was a total mistake. I just have some extra struggles to break through that limit my experience of being my own roommate. But aside from that lonely stuff, I’m actually kind of loving having my own space that fits me!
So, where am I now? Well, it’s been almost three months into school, and I’m still rooming by myself. Academically, everything is going reasonably well (except for the few big projects coming up–– yikes). Socially, I’m still trying to figure out where I belong in college. Everyone always says that we change in college and gain new experiences that we never imagined. Maybe it’s because it’s only been about three months since I started school, but I don’t know if those fated changes are destined to happen to me. I want to gain those new experiences and develop into the person that I always wanted to be…but will that ever happen? I think I’ll just need to be patient with that one.
College is difficult and the social part of it is even more difficult, but like all the great women before me, I will persevere and make my way towards my end goal of graduating. Everything is so new and different to me that I sometimes wonder if I fit in at all–– and it doesn’t exactly help that I’m my own roommate. I have to rely on myself, and along the way begin to learn to rely on others, little by little. I might have started off alone (and may end up feeling alone) but throughout this journey, I’ll encounter things and people I never thought I would ever find. Whether our relationships are good or bad, I’ll learn from them and look back on this moment with newfound value and gratitude. You may not know many people who have had or have a single room, but now you know me, and observed some of the stuff that comes along with it. When you’re awkward and introverted, a single room is probably not the best fit, but it’s still so rewarding. I may differ from my other floor-mates and the other residents on my campus, but in the end, I’m content :)
Is it really that bad
To leave the troubles behind,
And be in the world you wanted
Where there is no work or grind?
It can’t be that bad.
So why do I feel so conflicted
To stay here or go?
Why have my thoughts drifted?
I can choose to leave,
And be close to content,
But I need to stay
To pay my dues and rent.
And one day be inclined to say
As I decorate my new shelf
That little, old, irrelevant me
Was indeed a roommate to myself
THE END
*I’ll be back to write another part at the end of my first year!*