A Letter To My Father

Dear Dad,

It’s still difficult for me to talk about you using the right verb tense, and I talk about you a lot, so you can see how this has become a real problem. The thing is, I still feel like you’re here. I consistently visualize you in your bedroom, hear you screaming at the Jets as I watch them fumble the ball, and even so much as still have your contact as my only “Favorite” in my iPhone. How can I talk about you in the past tense when this is my everyday reality? I just can’t, so I don’t, although I tried to here.

I want you to know that you aren’t, in the least bit, forgotten. So many people ask about you - your friends from high school, the neighbors, my professors, really everyone. Not only do we talk about you, but there are reminders of you everywhere! I immediately think of you when Jeopardy comes on and when your favorite bands play over the radio, and even when I’m doing the smallest of my daily tasks like grocery shopping - there you are in my mind! Truthfully I can’t imagine going a day without seeing small reminders of you wherever I go; it’s just never going to happen.

You also must know that our family is doing okay. Of course, we’re not great - and we’re nowhere near how happy we were when you were alive - things will undoubtedly never be the same. However, we are a tight-knit and strong family, and we remind each other day in and day out that you would want us to remain just as strong, even without you being here.

And although I wish you were still here, or an arm’s length away, or even a phone call away, I do know you’re still with me. I know that wherever you are, you are watching over me in everything I do. You’re still my number one fan and my shoulder to cry on. You’re still pushing me to be my best and step out of my comfort zone. Although I may not be able to see you or hear you, I still feel you. And above all else, you must know that.

With endless love,

Your Daughter