Halloween is approaching, and this is a big night for many people. An even bigger night for men trying to impress all the girls who probably spent a ton of time and money on what they were going to wear. Unfortunately, most of these men probably do not care how much thought went into planning out your costume. To them, it is just a good day to be a straight man on Halloween. It is 2023, this year we will not be fooled, we will not go home with the first goblin or ghoul we see, and we most definitely won’t be wasting our breath on people who don’t see the effort. In this article I am going to tell you who exactly you DON’T want to go up to on Halloween…because there is no point in wasting your time.
- Batman
- They are definitely trying to be in their “mysterious era.” There is absolutely nothing mysterious about seeing the same costume on 100 men.
- Jeffery Dahmer
- Need I say more? This is not funny or cute, we should not be getting acquainted with serial killers or cannibals.
- LumberJack
- Lazy. They definitely just picked out the first thing in their closet (aka a flannel they got with their parents’ Kohl’s cash). They might get a few bonus points if they bought a fake ax. In the grand scheme of things though, he is probably majoring in accounting and pretending to be a blue-collared man… let that sink in.
- Sports Player
- They are going to wear the same sports jersey their mom bought them for Christmas their freshman year of High School. Better yet, they’ll wear an old sports jersey from high school and then tell you about some knee injury they got that “prevented them from going D1.” (Don’t fall for the Hudl highlights either.)
- Ken
- You’d think this would be a green flag. WRONG. Do not be fooled. They are wearing this so girls come up to them because everyone nowadays wants a Ken. Very smart on their part, but not smart enough.
- Doctor
- They will probably have some corny pickup line like “let me examine you.” They also probably used the same line on twelve other girls before you. Way too predictable.
- Greek God
- We all know what they’re doing. This allows them to wear as little clothes as socially acceptable. Probably a gym rat that specifically goes to the gym just to take pictures in the mirror, which is an even bigger red flag.
- Vampire
- These types of guys might not be able to literally drain your blood, but they will drain your soul in the long run. Also, where’d they get that red lipstick from? Sketchy. Notice the little details ladies. Absolutely not worth your gorgeous energy.
- Prisoner
- They probably bought this costume back in 2018 and wear it every year. This shows that they’re cheap, which we do not need in our lives.
- The guy that just doesn’t dress up
- Unacceptable, boring, uncool. Halloween is one of the best nights of the year, there should be no reason they couldn’t pull something together. You probably will not have any fun hanging around this type of guy.
Have fun, be safe, and be mindful of the characters you are talking to. Happy October!