So, over the weekend I had the absolute pleasure of watching the final shade of Grey. Let me tell you. I am a HUGE FAN. I stole my sister’s Kindle in middle school just to get my hands on these dirty puppies. I was obsessed. And a weirdo. But that’s a different story.
Anyway, I read the books, fell in love like a stalker with Trust Issues the Sexy Billionaire and am now an avid re-watcher of the terribly adapted movies. So, to save you from the trouble, but (go see it…. it has butts) I decided to write down the 10 things I got from the film…
Warning: Spoilers… (Just read it anyway, you’re not missing much…except butts…)
1. Christian is so loving THE WORST. First of all, WHY IS HE A LITERAL CONTROL FREAK? We get it dude, you’re like “damaged” but like… You’re probably a serial killer. I’m sorry.
2. Ana sucks at decision making. It first hit me when I saw her CONTINUE to wear middle school quality lipstick. She looks like my middle school pictures when I thought I was the kitties-titties.
3. Ummm… why is Jose still around? He tried to make out with Ana and dedicated a whole art gallery photo shoot to her, and for some reason, the guy makes it to the third movie. He is probably a serial killer. RIP. But… like…so is Christian…
4. This whole storyline is most likely from Tina Belcher’s Erotic Fan Fiction journal.
5. How is this so god damn entertaining? A question to our generation.
6. Jamie Dornan’s butt makes up for his acting… just saying…
7. How is Christian a billionaire and have the worst security ever? Get it together. Also… why doesn’t he use an iPhone? Why is Ana letting a dude with green text messages run her life?
8. What’s up with the awkward lip biting? I tried it… It’s not sexy… IRL people think something is wrong with you if you do that…
9. How has Ana never had a UTI… I’ve never see that girl pee. NOT ONCE IN THIS WHOLE SERIES. Did she even take a pregnancy test??? Are we sure she’s pregnant?
10. I don’t think I got ID’d to see any of these movies…. is this allowed?
Every time I think I’m done, and that I’m not gonna keep watching, that butt pulls me right back in. #CHRISTIAN+ANA=FOREVA.
I’ll never stop re-watching. Long live the cheesy chick-flick. Laters, baby.
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