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How I Felt After Watching All Three 50 Shades of Grey Movies…

So, over the weekend I had the absolute pleasure of watching the final shade of Grey. Let me tell you. I am a HUGE FAN. I stole my sister’s Kindle in middle school just to get my hands on these dirty puppies. I was obsessed. And a weirdo. But that’s a different story.

Anyway, I read the books, fell in love like a stalker with Trust Issues the Sexy Billionaire and am now an avid re-watcher of the terribly adapted movies. So, to save you from the trouble, but (go see it…. it has butts) I decided to write down the 10 things I got from the film…

Warning: Spoilers… (Just read it anyway, you’re not missing much…except butts…)  

 

1. Christian is so loving THE WORST. First of all, WHY IS HE A LITERAL CONTROL FREAK? We get it dude, you’re like “damaged” but like… You’re probably a serial killer. I’m sorry.  

 

2. Ana sucks at decision making. It first hit me when I saw her CONTINUE to wear middle school quality lipstick. She looks like my middle school pictures when I thought I was the kitties-titties.

 

3. Ummm… why is Jose still around? He tried to make out with Ana and dedicated a whole art gallery photo shoot to her, and for some reason, the guy makes it to the third movie. He is probably a serial killer. RIP. But… like…so is Christian…

 

4. This whole storyline is most likely from Tina Belcher’s Erotic Fan Fiction journal.

 

5. How is this so god damn entertaining? A question to our generation.

 

6. Jamie Dornan’s butt makes up for his acting… just saying…

 

7. How is Christian a billionaire and have the worst security ever? Get it together. Also… why doesn’t he use an iPhone? Why is Ana letting a dude with green text messages run her life?

 

8. What’s up with the awkward lip biting? I tried it… It’s not sexy… IRL people think something is wrong with you if you do that…

 

9. How has Ana never had a UTI… I’ve never see that girl pee. NOT ONCE IN THIS WHOLE SERIES. Did she even take a pregnancy test??? Are we sure she’s pregnant?

 

10. I don’t think I got ID’d to see any of these movies…. is this allowed?  

Every time I think I’m done, and that I’m not gonna keep watching, that butt pulls me right back in. #CHRISTIAN+ANA=FOREVA.

I’ll never stop re-watching. Long live the cheesy chick-flick. Laters, baby.

 

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Terri Castro is a Junior English major at Texas A&M University. She aspires to write comedy and entertainment media as a future career. Her favorite shows include Broad City, Insecure, and The Mindy Project (GO WOMEN!) She hopes one day to write for shows such as these, and inspire women to have a laugh while feeling empowered.
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