Last Fall, my ex and I broke up to put it simply. Well, to be specific, he broke up with me, but with the way things were going – it was a swing going back and forth that magically stopped on my ex’s side. We both were going through things and didn’t have the capacity to handle another person depending on us emotionally. To me, it was devastating, especially given that he was my first love and long-term boyfriend given that it was about 1.5 years with him. Unfortunately, it had hit the point where I didn’t know what I would do without him.
I started dating him during the height of the pandemic right after I moved here, which means that I saw hardly anyone on a regular except my roommate and the ex, which contributed to my dependent emotions toward him. When he broke up, I felt like a part of me was cut off and was alone. Because of the dependency, I had avoided making new friends and going out, because I was so used to hanging out with just him. I’m already socially awkward, and this just made it worse.
I didn’t want to feel alone because I had no idea how to navigate it and wanted to just get back with him, even though it was better that we aren’t together given both of our issues. The latter reason was something I struggled with a lot for a long time because I just wanted to get back with him while ignoring the reasons why we broke up. I kept on having hope that we would get back together, but recently, I somehow unknowingly realized that I shouldn’t base my hopes on a big possibility like that, and if I’m going to heal, I need to move on.
My health was starting to take a toll because of the stress I felt after this breakup, and it compounded with other stresses. I was tired all the time and not willing to do things, and it caused me to work more to make up for it, but that was at the sacrifice of sleep. Basically, I was a zombie, and recently it felt like I hit rock bottom. However, I couldn’t shake the break-up still, and it had overwhelmed me a lot until recently.
So at this point, you might be wondering how I got over it after a long preamble, and the real answer is that I’m not really sure. There could be a number of reasons like starting to hang out with friends more, involving myself in clubs, and hanging out with my dog, but I’m not really sure. It wasn’t until I realized it’s been a while since I talked to my ex (as friends) that I didn’t need him to be happy and that I needed to work to make a life of my own.
If I were to succinctly write out an answer, it would be to work to develop a life on your own that you love, and if a relationship were to come into play, it would just add to your current life. While I’m still working on that development, I find myself crying less about the former relationship and wanting to talk to him in hopes of getting back together. Now I’m just trying to make the most of things. It’ll probably be a long time until I’m ready to date again, but that’s okay. Learning from the past, I need to be happy on my own before I have another partner so that it can be as healthy as possible. However, this isn’t a linear path, and it can be hard or easy at times; we just have to take it one step at a time.