When I was in high school I was pretty quiet, shy, timid whatever you want to call it. I was expecting so much from college, a new start, new people, new friends. All these expectations were eventually not met which led to me having a pretty hard time my freshmen year. After five semesters in college, I look back to my freshman year to see how different I was all around. You see, I am an only child, so I was going into college with the perspective my mom had given me, which at that point was probably already a little outdated. I had no idea of what to expect, how to act, what to do, or where to go. This led me to build an unrealistic plan for a ‘perfect freshman year,’ which ironically probably led my freshman year to be far from my expectations. This leads me to my first point: Expectations.
Expectations were probably what led to my freshman year not being ‘ideal.’ I am not joking when I say I had a week-by-week plan of how my first semester would go. So when stuff would not fall according to my schedule, I became very discouraged. College is overall just a crazy, unexpected ride. Many switch their majors (which, if you don’t know by now, is totally fine). You end up meeting people who you never expected, and you branch out to activities you never knew of. Basically, it’s very hard to know what your college experience will look like, even when you are a sophomore, junior, or senior, and especially when you are a freshman. So, the first piece of advice I would give is to come with an open mind. Don’t limit yourself and your first year with expectations because it might close doors you never knew were open in the first place.
Bringing up the only child thing: since I was an only child, I looked up to my older friends’ experiences in college or even influencers’ experiences and would want to shape or base my college experience on others. This is a TERRIBLE idea. I am telling you this based on what I went through. Every single person is different, and every single person will have a different college experience. You cannot expect to share the exact same experiences as others. Think about all the factors that shape your college experience: the university you attend, the state, the city, your major, your minor, your hobbies, whether you decide to live in dorms, apartments, or houses. These are just a few of countless differences, so how could we even expect two people to share the exact same experience? It seems more impossible than possible. So basically, what I’m saying is don’t compare your semester to others. It is so normal for it to look different from your friends, sister, mother, brothers, etc. In fact, it probably should look different. You need to work on your college experience based on who you are and at your own pace, and once again, that will look different for everybody.
Going into college, I was very, very shy, which was very difficult for me because, despite being shy, I love to socialize. If you are anything like me, you understand the struggle. To the people who can relate and are worried about not making friends, let me tell you a little bit about my experience. Despite RBF being a pretty well-known term at this point, I feel like we still tend to forget that it’s a thing. Through putting myself out there and being bold, I learned that, in most cases (I’m not saying in all, but most), it’s just that they have an RBF. Most people do want to talk to people; most people want to be heard. But just think about it; they are probably thinking the same thing you are. That’s not to say that there aren’t people who truly don’t want to talk to someone or meet people, but if you do encounter someone like that, it’s usually never personal. Just move on, and don’t let that slow you down or discourage you from starting up conversations with people again. I promise that once you get the hang of it, it becomes easy, like a habit, and it truly feels great. Plus, it is usually good to be able to make friends in class, especially freshman year when you’re taking general courses. Know that maybe those friendships might only last for the duration of the semester, but you could also meet some really good long-term friends this way.
Join the things you enjoy. Yes, your first few weeks might be very overwhelming, as there are so many organizations, clubs, and sororities trying to recruit people. But think about it in this way. There are so many options that can fit well with the activities or topics you are interested in. This will not only allow you to put into practice what you enjoy but will also give you a community of people who share similar interests with you. If making friends in class or just on campus seems too hard, this is an easier yet still very effective way to make good friends.
Lastly, truly try to enjoy it as much as you can. I know it’s annoying to hear it so often, but those four years (or maybe even three for some or five or six) truly do fly by. Still, focus on class and getting good grades, getting along with professors, among other academic requirements because, at the end of the day, this is what we are all here for, regardless of the circumstances. But also, enjoy this time. You are most likely not going to get back another four years like this under all the same circumstances. So make sure, one day, you can also remember the good times and not just the endless days of studying, going to class, and meeting with professors.