I grew up in a conservative small town, one that I desperately wanted to get away from for as long as I can remember. One of the hardest things for me to accept while I was growing up was my bisexuality. I struggled to accept that I could be any level of “gay” but more importantly, I begged for myself to just choose a side. I thought it would be easier for me to be completely straight or completely gay, it would have made more sense and made everything easier.
It’s been two years since I graduated high school, two years since I’ve doubted myself and begged myself to be someone other than who I am. After almost 19 years, I could now tell people I am bisexual without feeling a lump in my throat. However, it isn’t all rainbows and butterflies like I expected.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew I would have to experience homophobia, I wasn’t naive. But, I was not expecting to experience biphobia, especially from the LGBTQIA+ community. I was truly shocked to see so much invalidation for bisexual people. I have heard people tell me that my coming-out experience isn’t as important as others because being bisexual is supposedly “trendy”. I’ve had guys tell me they feel threatened by me being bisexual because it means I’m more likely to cheat. Most recently, I was talking to a guy and we were getting along really well until he came across my twitter and he said “wait, you’re like. . actually gay? Not just college gay? That’s kind of hot.” I’ve watched TikToks where lesbians call bisexual people “incels” for still being attracted to men and I’ve seen people invalidate bisexuality because they are in a “straight passing” relationship. This has got to stop.
I am valid as a bisexual woman even if I have a preference for men.
I am valid even if I am dating a man.
My sexuality is not a kink or a fetish.
My sexuality should not threaten you.
My coming out story is just as impactful as anyone else’s.
No, I do not need a good man to treat me right.
I do not have to pick a side.
No, I did not decide to try out women after a man broke my heart.
I’m not “spicy straight”.
Stop picking and choosing which members of the LGBTQ+ community are valid. I didn’t choose to be bisexual just as no one else chose to be who they are. I didn’t spend 19 years in the closet just for invalidation once I was out. Sexual identity is already such a struggle for most people who fall into the LGBTQ+ community, there is no reason we have to make it even more difficult.
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