“Hoʻoponopono” (pronounced “ho-oh-po-no-po-no”), which translates to “to make things right” or “to put things back in balance,” is a Hawaiian concept of healing and mutual forgiveness. In Ancient Hawai’i, it was believed that holding a grudge against someone or living in a negative way was detrimental to one’s mental and physical health, which is backed up by modern science. It was also believed that since all people and things are connected, negative actions or feelings would eventually spread and harm the community as a whole. Therefore, to solve this issue, Ancient Hawaiians practiced the mutual forgiveness and conflict resolution of hoʻoponopono. In recent years, this practice has been revived by therapists and social workers. The steps of hoʻoponopono are as follows:
- If possible, get together with the person or persons you have a conflict with. Start by repeating this mantra: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
- Once you feel calm enough to continue, start discussing with the others in the group about the problem at hand, what happened, and what you believe the root of the issue was.
- Let the other people in the group say what is on their mind, and give them the opportunity to discuss the conflict from their point of view without interruption.
- Apologize for any wrongdoing on all sides.
- When finished, take time to appreciate closure and be able to close the chapter.
So next time you’re in a conflict, perhaps it would be good to remember the principles of hoʻoponopono. 🌺