This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Tampa chapter.
Relationships are WILD!!
In shows, movies and books we always hear about the protagonist’s checklist for a partner, and immediately afterwards that “perfect” person shows up. When I was younger I had a pretty simple checklist; they had to be a guy, think I’m attractive, and taller than me. Those low standards brought a lot of pain and toxicity; however, those experiences allowed me to identify toxic traits I had, and realize that I deserved more. If time travel ever becomes real, I’d go back and warn past me of these serious red flags and deal breakers.
- NEVER talk about the future. A good coworker gave me the advice to never talk about the future time period that’s longer than how long you’ve known them. I always assumed if you talked about the future, then that proves that they care; that they want you. Yet instead, those talks of the future only amount to immense pressure. Such as forcing yourself to be with someone you don’t want to be with because if you don’t then you’ve “failed”.
- Communication is a two way street. If you’re putting in a ton of energy and time, take a step back. Are they actually busy and have a lot on their plate, or are they not interested? It’s okay to prioritize your own time, cuz boo you’re worth it! Focus on you, not the iffy partner.
- Don’t brush those weird comments under the rug. They know what they’re saying, and if they think that those comments are okay while in the “getting to know each other” phase, they’re just going to get worse. Bring up those comments and ask them about it, and discuss why those comments are not okay.
- Don’t let ANYONE make you feel small. Your feelings are valid. If anyone makes you feel like you’re in the wrong for being sad or getting excited over small things, leave them. If your friends have accepted you for who you are, then your partner will as well.
- Stop settling! Love is more than being held, and feeling validated. You are amazing, and you don’t need someone else to tell you that. Love is about mutual growth and being happy for each other. It’s being there for one another for all the ups and downs. It’s about sharing the adventure of life with. You have PLENTY of time to find the right person. So don’t rush, you’ll find the “perfect” person for you eventually.