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Study: Girls DON’T Like Getting Grinded on At Frat Parties

In a recent poll, Syracuse girls were asked if they liked being approached by the skeezy guy who stands in the corner during a frat party like a vulture—albeit a vulture who prefers to hit on his prey instead of consume its carcass.
 
Surprisingly (to these skeezy guys, not to girls) 100% of the women polled declared that they DON’T like it when Señor Skeez approaches them from behind and starts dancing with them, despite the fact that they have clearly been avoiding eye contact with him and trying to get their friends to leave the frat for a place without skeezy guys, like a lesbian bar.
 
Upon being informed of the news, Nabisco Skeez-It replied, “I still don’t believe it. That girl at Sig Ep was TOTALLY into me! She must have been talking about another skeezy guy.”
 
That girl, Amanda LaRue, affirmed, “No, it was him. He was gross. And he smelled like a possum.”
 
Despite this revelation, many skeezes have maintained that they will continue their skeezy ways.
 
“I can’t help it,” said Grilled Skeez, “these girls are just so hot, the way they stand there talking to their friends and trying desperately not to look at me. Something about it makes me want to grind.”
 
“Sure, lots of them say things like, ‘Get away, creep!’ and ‘Were you rolling around in shit earlier today?’ Those are just terms of endearment,” said Macaroni and Skeez, adding, “I love a challenge.”
 
Fully aware of the fact that skeezy guys are incapable of being anything less than they are, Syracuse Officials and IFC are cooperating to draft a new set of laws barring guys “who look skeezy” from entering frat parties.
 
Some are going as far as to suggest that Syracuse University completely bar skeezes from campus, but officials are not as fond of this idea. After all, research has indicated that barring skeezy guys from Syracuse would essentially turn the college into an all-girls school.
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