In honor of National Coming Out Day this Friday (October 11th!), I decided to reflect on my many coming out experiences, whether that be my actual coming out or my friends coming out to me. I am no means an expert or anything, but I do hope this article helps anyone who may experience a special coming out moment in their future or wants to reflect on their past experiences.
Match their Energy Levels
I cannot stress how important this is. If someone is telling you what is probably their biggest and most guarded secret, you need to match their energy level and body language. If they’re excited to tell you, you need to be excited. If they’re nervous, comfort them. If they say it’s not a big deal, don’t make it a big deal! We are probably telling you because we trust you and want your support. We just need you to agree with us, and one of the best ways to do that is to match our energy while coming out.
Don’t Question Them
If someone comes out to you, it’s probably because they’re super sure of this. Chances are that they’ve been trying to figure out and accept this for years. Don’t ask “are you sure” or comment that they don’t fit the stereotype of this sexuality or gender. If you have questions about what they mean or have specific questions about pronouns, of course, ask them. We want you to understand; that’s why we told you. You just have to be careful to phrase them in the correct way.
Don’t Push Them
Similar to the last one, if someone comes out to you, they will tell you all that they want or can tell you about themselves and the situation. You cannot force them to tell you more than they know themselves and have to respect their wishes and limits. Of course, ask questions if you feel like you need to, but more conscious and courteous that they may not know or want to offer up that information right now.
Comfort and Reassure Them
Coming out is one of the hardest things anyone will ever have to do, and we will most likely have to do it over and over again, with different groups of people, different aspects of our identity, and more. Each time we choose to come out has its own risks and fears associated with them. One of the best things you can do is reassure them that nothing is going to change and that everything will be okay. I don’t think anyone hears those words enough, coming out or just in general.