Throughout the course of the summer, I finally wrote back to a fourth-grade teacher who sent a card to me after my high school graduation. I never got a chance to respond until a year later. During my time at home, I had more time on my hands than ever, but it was difficult to forge certain connections with people. In this case, I missed out on seeing my baby cousins and being there as they grew up. Instead, I was just left with pictures and videos to try to fill the gaps.
Dear baby cousins,
I think it is natural to miss your family once you leave home for college. They’ve been with you from the start. However, I would not be who I am if I had never moved out. I spent most of my life surrounded by a large network of family.
So to my younger cousins, I think you will find it rather remarkable how large this family is as you grow up. Perhaps it will be a while before we meet. I know I have only met some of you through Facebook or Instagram or maybe even a third source of social media. I know that every time we have met that you may not remember me. You are still young, and the memories you have with me are scarce, especially for the ones who recently became part of our family. I decided to go to a college that was far enough to make sure that I would be staying there for a longer time.
It happens when you’re growing up: the longing for freedom and independence. I cannot even explain the feelings of walking into a family gathering and seeing many people whose names you’ll have to call in Chinese for the most part. Long story short, it feels like you are being smothered. But they are the people that you will know for a long period of time. If it makes sense, I wanted to go pretty far at first. I thought I would settle for New York, but my heart pulled me over to Massachusetts at some point. You see, that distance measured in hours is like wanting to settle for being three hours away to actually being five hours on a train. I never attempted to actually go five away though, which was strange. College was finally a step towards growing onto new grounds. Therefore, why did I choose to stay in Pennsylvania where I have lived my entire life?
There was a reason why I considered going five hours away. It was not out of some rebellious phase where I wanted to leave and never come back. Turns out, I was looking for a place that resembled a strong community subconsciously. I never questioned why. My automatic answer is the strong communities that I came from, such as the camps I have taken part in. I would say that our family definitely had a huge role in this too.
There is a lot to look up to when it comes to our family. We have learned to stay together through some of the toughest times. Maybe you are too young to really understand it, and that is alright. Even a college student like me needs some time to figure things out too. I think we are strong as we can stay together, but eventually, we are going to have to branch out. But what I take away from our family is that we are strong because we are together.
I never have a set path for myself because as I can see, life is going to change in ways that we might not expect. However, I feel glad to be somewhere where I do not feel alone. A place where I am finding some amazing friends. And I am letting my roots regrow somewhere else in order for it to find new development, because I was able to find something worthwhile back at home. I need to find more of that elsewhere.
With love,
Your older cousin