I have had the most confusing college experience of my life. It started with me becoming basically a full-time college student while still being a high school student. I am a 2020 high school senior, so this occurred during the year where we all met covid. And while dealing with being a high school student in college is hard enough, try doing it when you’re thrown online out of the blue and no one knows how to work it. And then, freshman year of college. Covid College. Zoom University. The year was supposed to be full of firsts but instead was full of unknowns for me and millions of other students across the country.
By sophomore year, we’re supposed to have it figured out in a way. Navigating classes on campus, the vibe of your school, what it’s like living in the dorm, and balancing classes and extracurriculars and friends. And I don’t know if it’s just because I’m getting further along in my college career, but this year feels so much harder. Classes feel like it’s so much more time-consuming, it feels harder to find a time balance, I see my friends less, and the stress feels much greater than before. And I’m left to wonder: is it just me and the fact that I am creating all of these issues and putting myself in the circumstance to experience this situation, or is it because I’m still a freshman?
On paper, I’m a sophomore. I have more than enough credits, I have campus jobs, I’m an RA, I’m in a sorority and extracurriculars, but what about mentally? A year of doing online classes and sitting in my room in front of a laptop for all of my classes, exams, meetings, and first-year events–does that count as a college year actually?
I feel like I know enough about the campus. I’ve been helping first-years with questions they have about living on campus and issues with classes. I have an idea of what to expect out of my classes, but at the same time, I feel lost. I feel like a freshman even more than I ever did before in a way.
Being lost isn’t a bad thing, but many people seem to feel that being lost is a negative experience. We can’t be expected to be sure of everything in our lives and always know where we’re going. Being lost allows us to explore and find who we are. Is this situation my favorite? No. Is it helping to shape who I am? Yes. I don’t want to change my situation, nor am I claiming that this situation has been absolutely terrible. This is just the effect that it has had on me.
Not only did covid rob me and my fellow classmates of our freshman year, but it also robbed us of feeling normal for the rest of our college career. Will I actually feel like a senior when I’m close to graduating or will I always feel behind? Will it always feel like I’m behind in my college career, and will I feel like I’m thrust into the workforce before I’m ready? Will this feeling of being lost ever become normal? Or will I always just be a freshman stuck in a sophomore body?