With Valentine’s Day over and the month of February coming to an end, I feel like I am back on the safe side of things when it comes to romance. I’m sure this might apply to others, but the thing about Asian family gatherings is that you’re going to get a lot of questions. Now I can talk my way through grades and school because it is not that deep and personal, but dating?
So this is to anyone with helicopter parents and the families that may not be the most comfortable to be around. We’re in college, and for many of us, this is the first time we are away from our family for an extended amount of time. This is a chance away from the bubble we grew up in. There are new people and new opportunities. I am sure even those who don’t have strict families can also see that a lot of changes can happen when we get to college. We might become different people than the person we were before we got dropped off at the start of college.
Now, I am not saying that dating is something to be expected when you go to college. Your experience is what you make of it. You enjoy your time your own way. But for a lot of people, this is the first time they may be stepping into the dating world. It is intimidating, and somehow, when the family gets involved, it can be a little stressful.
But anyway, there is a chance that you might be asked questions about it from time to time by your family. I have heard from many Asians how their parents start off really strict about dating, but as soon as they reach their late twenties, their parents begin wondering when they will have children. It is quite a switch, and it feels intrusive that they are adding unnecessary pressure. Even I have gotten asked the same question the older I got: “Do you have a boyfriend?” And it feels like one of the most embarrassing questions ever. For more context on my part, family is such a big thing in Chinese culture. Therefore, there is an expectation for you to marry. But dating seems to be a different story. It is a various serious thing. Even my family has told me to not date until after I get my master’s degree—yes, the one I have not started because I am still an undergraduate.
It feels like a test every time they ask. It gets more persistent every year. More relatives join along. Except sometimes this feels like a test where both answers are wrong. Hypothetically, if I said yes, there would be uproar in the family. If I said no, they would be wondering, “Why not?”
Recently, I have realized I reached the age where my relatives will think it is even more reason to ask me if I am dating. My aunt asked me when I would bring a boyfriend home in which I wondered when I am going to get a “How are you?” from them. The answer to her question might as well be never, but because I am in my twenties, they will think it is a possibility.
It is easy to move away from the conversation. In uncomfortable situations, there are different things people can do. Distraction is an easy first attempt. They say that strict parents raise some sneaky kids, but I know not everyone is capable of lying well. I would say the key is to keep a semi-straight face and not laugh. Laughing raises suspicions whether you are being truthful or not. Therefore, I usually use the academic excuse, meaning I pull the “I am too busy with my classes to even consider a boyfriend.” It is not wrong since I would assume people go to college to further their education on something they enjoy. And it turns the conversation to one about school instead.
Not every family is a safe place to talk about things. Or we might like to wait before talking to our family. You have control over life, and my friends are right when they say that at a certain point, your family should not have any control over you.
If you want to try out dating, that is on you. It is not like your family does not have to know; you know what is best for you. If you have to avoid the invasive questions for a while, you can wait until you are ready on your own terms. And at the end of the day, if you are looking for someone, be careful and find someone that genuinely makes you happy.