It’s officially February and I’m gearing up to spend my 21st straight Valentine’s Day valentineless, but in the spirit of the season, I’ve been thinking a lot how nice it must be to have a significant other. I mean, having someone who loves you? Physical affection? Endless cuddles? Sounds good to me, but there has to be other things that significant others are good for. What about the day to day stuff? Significant others are supposed to make your life better in all aspects.
When I think about it, it’s not like my life is bad right now, but there are a lot of things that could be made better or easier by having a SO.
1. Combing my hair
Listen. Having curls is an endless inconvenience. The best way to manage your hair is to comb the knots out in the shower. With an actual comb. It takes literally forever, but if I had a SO, I’d have a second set of hands. Like, shower sex is a great benefit of a SO, but shower hair combing? Sign me up.
2. Lotion
It’s eczema season. If you know, you know. Every day I have to waste time putting lotion on my entire body. Too much time if we’re being specific, and I can’t even actually put lotion on my back. I feel like this is relatable. If you can put lotion on the middle of your back by yourself you’re probably a wizard and don’t need a SO anyway.
3. Coffee and food
Imagine being snuggled up in bed on a cold day, feeling a little under the weather and not having to leave to get coffee or food or anything? This is genuinely all I really need.
4. Opening jars
I won’t lie. I don’t exactly have what they call “upper body strength” and some jars are really hard to open. I like to think my SO will one day be stronger than me and therefore better at opening hard to open things.
5. Reaching the top shelf
I’m like 3 feet tall. Not really, but my arms are actually really short and that means the top shelf is kind of far away. Having a taller SO wouldn’t necessarily be a requirement, but it wouldn’t hurt. If they’re not tall enough to reach either, they could at least give me a boost, ya know? Having a SO could really give my tippy toes a break.
6. Making the bed
Again, I’m short and so are my arms. Getting the fitted sheet to the other side of the bed is a full body, 10-minute affair, especially at school with my bed raised as high as it can go. Teamwork makes the dream work…Literally.
7. Spiders
Life would be a lot better without the heart pounding and screaming that absolutely must accompany the killing and/or capture of creatures with more than four legs. I’m not saying my future SO can’t be afraid of spiders too. I’m just saying it’d be cool if they did the screaming and spider killing.