You’ve read all those articles on her-campus about being f**k buddies, and how to heal the wounds of a long-time breakup. But how do you get over your f**k buddy?! All your friends told you not to fall, you knew he was the type to not settle down, but oops you fell and you’re having a hard time getting up. Yeah it hurts to fall, but its time we move on. You don’t have to switch over your clatter ring because you were never dating in the first place. Just because you weren’t FB offish doesn’t mean the wound doesn’t hurt. Breakups are hard but there are novels written about that sh*t, so what what you really want to know is how to get over a guy you weren’t actually dating.
How to get over a guy you aren’t actually dating, in 11 steps.
Step 1: Define your relationship
I believe time is the best way to define your relationship. Take in consideration the amount of time the two of you were “whatever you were”, what time he usually texted you (for things unrelated to the homework assignment), and how many times he contacts you v.s how many you contact him. Looking at the solid facts will help you define more easily whether you were “together” or “hookups”.
Step 2: Read the Playbook
Open doors for girls and they will love you more. Call her beautiful and she will fall for you. There are certain gestures that are taught to guys from day 1. These gestures will convince girls not only that they are special, but will convince girls to sleep with them. “He told me I was beautiful and he wanted to see me more often”, he thinks your hot and he wants to sleep with you more often. Heres another play you need to clearly understand, guys are also always taught “if you want to date a girl, ask her out on a date”. This isn’t the pre-driving days, if you’re living in Boston you live across the street from many restaurants, if he wants to date you, he’ll date you. There are exceptions, but just as they teach you in He’s Just Not That Into you assume you are the rule.
Now that we understand “what we were”, its time we heal the wounds we’ve been left with. Being rejected hurts, whether he said it out loud or you saw him leave a party with another b*tch; it doesn’t feel good.
Step 3: You’re hot. Let ____ remind you.
Heres the good part of this process; the majority of your relationship was based on sexual attraction. Join tinder or some dating site. Don’t think i’m trying to tell you to find your next man online, i’m not. Dating websites are fun because there will ALWAYS be a guy out there on the internet who is DYING to wine and dine you. You don’t have to go out with him- but knowing there is someone who thinks you’re undeniably sexy and awesome. BAM! Confidence boost. You won’t feel like you need that booty contact anymore once you have a million guys telling you how beautiful you are, at 3 pm.
Step 4: Who is he to judge?
Many guys will come in and out of your bedroom (hopefully not too many though). If the two of you had some magical connection i’m certain you wouldn’t have ended in the first place. He’s alright in bed but its consistency you love. He’s awesome in bed but a total jerk in real life. Even if he was awesome in every single way he was still an idiot for not seeing you for the goddess you are, so there- his downfall. By rejecting you for the “one thing all guys want” he instantly becomes your biggest critic; but who is critiquing you anyways? Its like Khloe Kardashian on the X-Factor, she eventually got fired because she was irrelevant; who is he to reject YOU?
Step 5: Eliminate what is unnecessary.
I’m not going to “beat around the bush” here, when he booty-texts you a few months from now- its going to feel awesome. Show him you DGAF what he has to say! Don’t text him- delete his number. The only way you’re going to prevent Jose Cuervo from taking over your fingers and hitting him up is by deleting his number. Eliminate those few pounds you’ve been meaning to, those split ends you’ve been needing to, and get yourself back into the tip-top shape you were in before you met with consistency.
Step 6: Refrain from letting your freak flag fly.
He doesn’t want you anymore. Maybe he thinks you got too attached (which you did, sorry), maybe he’s interested in someone else (we’ve been there, you know it), but its over. Now this is your chance to remind him what a cool betch you are. Don’t delete him on Facebook, thats too far (you weren’t dating), but block him from showing up on your news feed. Let yourself do a little creeping, but don’t you dare send him a message telling him something “funny” or “interesting”, that screams “I MISS YOU SO MUCH”. Its best to pretend they don’t exist when they aren’t actually in your presence. If he has a twitter, don’t tweet dramatic Taylor Swift lyrics. I once posted lyrics to Keith Urban’s “You’ll think of Me” on my Facebook, wicked awkward when the guy I was directing it towards “liked” it. Don’t let your freak flag fly, hide your freak flag. “While you’re sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I’ll be over you And on with my life”
Step 7: Mentally prepare yourself.
This is going to come across very harsh, but bare with me. Since you “weren’t dating” he is going to have absolutely no problem hooking up with your friends. He may stop before mackin’ with your roomie and your BFF, but if he doesn’t know you’re friends with them- he doesn’t care to know now. This is when you will pray to god your friends understand the importance of girl-code, but if he’s as hot as you depicted him; some just won’t care (or think anything of it!) You have to be ready for the blow, if it hasn’t already happened already. Don’t bother confronting anyone, there are a million arguments they can use against you, most of the time.
Step 8: Look hot, act cool.
If you’re a regular hookup, they are probably going to be at a lot of the same parties as you. Its important to not only look hot, but act cool. In the past you probably spent a decent amount of time getting ready, but not TOO long knowing you were going home with someone no matter what. Times have changed, put that push-up bra on and maybe a little extra mascara. Now that you’re hot, make sure you greet him as “cool” as possible. Now that you’re “just friends and nothing more”, give him a friendly smile and hug; nothing that gives him the idea you’re interested in more (even if you want to pounce on him, define that any way you want). Don’t glare at the girl he’s flirting with, instead flirt with cuties in front of him, but don’t give him the time of day. You’re just friends now, Okay. Be polite no matter what!
Step 9: Try not to think about it
If you let your mind wander about him too much you’ll make him out to be something he really isn’t. You’re probably not Jen Aniston and he’s definitely not Brad Pitt, his new girl probably isn’t Angelina #teamjen. You’ll either turn him into some super-hottie love of your life, or Hitler himself. Regardless, he is neither an A-list movie star or an evil dictator. He is a college boy and you are a college girl. Sometimes its hard to accept that people are looking for something different, even if you’re the hottest thing to ever hit Suffolk University, but he is. Thinking about him too much will cause you to over think the situation and become much more emotionally attached to the issues you have created for yourself. You weren’t in love with him, he wasn’t your soul mate. You have a midterm to study for, think about that instead. Its over babe, theres no fixing a broken bed frame.
Step 10: “It could be worse” *barf*
Unless you and your mom are far closer than necessary, you don’t have to explain to all your relatives why it “didn’t workout” this Thanksgiving, because you weren’t actually dating. You don’t have to stop working on your Pinterest wedding board for awhile, because he wasn’t the guy you pictured at the end of the isle anyways. You were slightly emotionally invested in this relationship, but for your own benefit and not for anyone else. This isn’t going to change your lifestyle prior to Friday at 2 a.m. Regardless, it doesn’t feel good to be rejected!! You’re going to be hurt, but at least there aren’t “pictures to burn”.
Step 11: There is nothing THAT FEELS better than revenge.
Making out with his best friend is so over-done. Plus- its hard to get revenge without looking like a total drama queen, until now. Sign him up for some dating sites, Christian Mingle anyone? If he wants someone new, do him the favor of giving him some options. Too risky for you? Sign him up for some annoying e-mail blasts. Nothing says “I hate you” like Shopbop’s hourly updates. He’ll never know it was you and he’ll forever be left to deal with the sale alerts.
Still in the benefits stage? Just remember to take things as they come and don’t overthink! If you find yourself falling, speak up- or end it.