Sometimes, something comes along that is so crazy, so spectacular in its awfulness, that it just can’t be ignored. Something that makes you scratch your head in disbelief as you think, how could we let this happen?
Our society is not perfect. Sometimes we make stupid people famous. Sometimes we create a work that transcends “bad” and crosses over into something new entirely. But, I want to argue that it is our duty as a society to never forget these terrible things. These must be preserved through the ages, to ensure that we don’t make the same mistakes again.
Kevin Federline’s rapping career
The term “career” is used very lightly here. All the way back in 2005, Britney Spears wed her second husband, backup dancer Kevin Federline. Federline was instantly thrust into the spotlight, and quickly characterized as a gold digger. It was a little hard not to jump to that assumption, since he left his then-pregnant wife for Spears.
But, Federline (or, affectionately, K-Fed), wanted to be more than a deadbeat husband to a multi-millionaire pop star. So, he released his debut (read: only) rap album, Playing with Fire. As expected, it totally bombed.
Throughout the album, K-Fed raps about his lavish Hollywood lifestyle. A lifestyle he could only afford by marrying Spears. Let’s just say he didn’t do much to help that “deadbeat” image he wanted to shake. Scoring one of the lowest ratings for an album ever on AllMusic.com, K-Fed’s short-lived stint as a rapper proved that just because you have recognition, doesn’t mean you have talent.
Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt
Commonly known as “Speidi.” For anyone who watched The Hills, the later seasons were made either interesting or unwatchable by Heidi Montag and her on-again off-again fiance, Spencer Pratt. First, it was that Pratt was a tad creepy and posessive. Later, it was their desire to be famous no matter what.
These two were the human embodiments of the term “attention wh*re.” From their fake-out wedding to Montag’s increasing plastic surgeries, nothing was too low for the duo. Their last big project was a book released in 2009, titled “How to Be Famous.” Though I’m sure nobody actually bought it, it would certainly be interesting to see what kind of advice they dished out.
The “Chinese Food” Song
From the people who brought you Rebecca Black’s “Friday” (so you know it’s going to be good, er – bad). Say what you want about “Friday,” it wasn’t particularly offensive. However, “Chinese Food” by Alison Gold is.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Chinese food as much as the next girl (anyone want to give me a ride to The Dip after this?). But I think my love stops just short of singing a song about it. Also, I don’t dress up in a Japanese geisha costume when I’m eating Chinese. Same goes for dancing with a giant, rapping panda.
I apologize if you have “I love chow mein, chow m-m-m-m-mein,” stuck in your head now.
Flavor of Love & A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
Let’s just say that if my mom knew I was watching these in seventh grade, I would have been grounded for life.
For better or worse, The Bachelor changed reality television as we know it, inspiring multiple spinoffs and imitators. The trashiest of these had to be Flavor of Love and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.
The former featured rapper Flavor Flav searching for a lady love. Contestants real names were ditched in favour of aliases like “Buckwild,” “Somethin'” and “New York.” Instead of roses, contestants received giant clocks. Astonishingly, the show managed to last three seasons, pretty much confirming that this was far from real television.
MTV’s kick at the Bachelor can came in the form of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. The twist here was that both guys and girls were vying for the bachelorette, model Tila Tequila. The alcohol-related puns pretty much wrote themselves at that point.
Here, contestants had to do things like Jell-O wrestle for Tequila’s love. It might be safe to say that this show was cooked up in a boardroom full of execs looking to cater to the 14-year old boy market.
Besides being trashy Bachelor knockoffs, these two shows had another thing in common: lots and lots of catfights.
Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, etc.
There was a time when these movies were funny. That time was middle school. Now, it’s a classic case of what where we thinking?
We all remember them. Bad parodies that only existed to throw out cheap pop culture jokes and capitalize on better, more successful films. Instead of making us laugh, they only serve to remind us how good the movies they spoof really are.
The real question is, how did so many of these get made? I lost count after Meet the Spartans.