HI! My name is Amanda. And I am here to tell you a story. But this isn’t just my story. This is the story of hundreds of thousands of people across the US, across the continent, across the world. And it’s sadly a story that not many people take the time to listen to.
My story starts, oh, probably around middle school. That’s when most of our real stories start, that’s the time where we go through puberty and have all these awkward experiences, and you know the one’s I’m talking about? The funny voice cracks and the other bodily changes that you would really rather pretend didn’t exist. But between those terrifying changes, I was struggling. I would wake abruptly in the middle of the night, remembering some small abstract thing that I should do for a class. Things that didn’t need to be done and certainty not then. I was obsessing over class work; it was the only thing I was concerned about.
As I started high school, more pressure from soccer, trying to make friends, boys, the whole popularity thing, they all seemed to be piling on, but not in a nice easy way to manage. A lopsided pile that was constantly in danger of tipping over. And sometimes it did tip. And I would feel so suffocated by these petty high school things that I couldn’t even function. I felt like a machine, going through the motions. But did it really matter? Because I was still doing everything that needed to be done, I was still ok, I was still doing fine in school.
So I assumed I was ok, that nothing needed fixing. But once I started college, my world was spun on its axis, and I was required to attend counseling at school. This is not something I am proud of. But it all came from these overwhelming pressures to be perfect, and my anger was building up, and I had no healthy way to cope. And I got in a big fight with some friends; there was miscommunication, and a whole ordeal.
I was told to get anger management. My first time walking into counseling services was terrifying. I felt judged, I felt lonely, I was afraid. I didn’t know that that would be my first step toward success. I am learning to recognize and deal with my emotions, with the things that cause anxiety and depression in my life. I am getting help. And there are thousands of others out there, getting help.
But there are even more people who are like I was, afraid to get help, incapable of getting help, thinking they are beyond help. There are millions of reasons people don’t reach out. Who struggle today, and every day. Who might have given up their fight because they didn’t know what to do anymore. It happened here at Stonehill last year. It happens across college campuses yearly. It happens in high schools and middle schools. It happens to your coworkers and classmates, family, friends and enemies.
It happens everywhere. Because mental health and mental illness doesn’t stop at socioeconomic classes, or any social boundary or health boundary. The physically healthiest person on this planet can be suffering from an invisible mental illness. The sickest person can be. The richest or the poorest. Everywhere.
Which is why we can’t hide from it. We can’t ignore it and hope it goes away. We can’t have a stigma that mental health is bad. People shouldn’t be afraid to say, I go to therapy or counseling or guidance, whatever term they want. We shouldn’t be afraid of something everyone deals with. It’s like pretending that the common cold isn’t real.
That brings me to today. I went to an Out of Darkness walk. A walk where everyone there was raising awareness for suicide. The spot that many people who don’t get help end up at. The place even people getting help might be at. It broke my heart, watching these people morn their loved ones. It opened my eyes to exactly how my family and friends would feel if I had followed through on my gut. Please. Suicide seems like the answer to so many of us suffering from mental illness. But it isn’t. And the biggest way to stop this is to be open about mental health. Please.
For everyone who struggled, is struggling and will struggle. Open your eyes to the reality of mental illness and suicide. The world would be so much better if we helped each other instead of hiding from each other. So I challenge you, and you should challenge someone, to reach out to someone who might need it, who might not. Reach out to everyone, and let them know that they aren’t alone. Don’t contribute to the stigma. End it.