This weekend I moved onto campus for the last time. I unpacked my white comforter I’ve used since freshman year, I took my mini fridge out of the back of my mother’s car, and I hung my clothes in the wooden armoire once more. I’m sitting at my desk in the newest residence hall on campus, reserved for seniors, as I type this.
I can’t believe it. I am a senior.
This fact absolutely terrifies me. It feels like just yesterday I was eighteen years old experiencing all of these college firsts. My first class, my first time using a communal bathroom, sharing a room with someone else. Now, four years later, I’m doing all this with the clock ticking down at an alarmingly fast rate.
On the one hand, I am so excited. I wish graduation was tomorrow! I can’t wait to go out into the world and pursue my dream career. I am thrilled at the fact that I will never have to sit in a classroom again, or deal with those immature college kids that every college and university unfortunately has. I’ll finally be free to live my life however I want.
There’s another part of me however, a much larger part, that wishes I still had a few years left here. With COVID, I feel like I missed out on an experience I deserved to have. Half my sophomore year and all of junior year were taken away from me and the entire class of 2022. A whole year that I was supposed to have to make memories. We all worked our butts off to be able to go to college, just to have almost a year and a half taken away from our already limited four years. It just doesn’t seem fair.
The fact that I won’t be in school ever again after May is another reason why I would do absolutely anything to slow down time. I’ve been in school my entire life! To go from twenty-ones years of school to never again? That’s a drastic life change that would scare anyone.
And what do you mean I can’t see my friends everyday anymore? Some of them are moving halfway across the country, others will stay behind for another year of school. Where do we fit into each other’s lives? I know everyone says if you really care about people you’ll find a way to make it work, but trying to balance long distance friendships while also starting an entirely new chapter of my life? It feels impossible.
I know the school year just started, but it’s the beginning of the end. Of course, I am going to make the most of my time left here at Stonehill, but I know these next nine months are going to fly by. Soon graduation will be here. I’ll be on that stage with my black graduation cap and gown, a diploma in my hand. Tears will be building at the corners of my eyes. My parents will be in the audience thinking those tears are happy ones. And I hope they will be, but there’s a part of me that worries they’ll also be sad, panicked ones.