I was a senior in high school when COVID struck. I had been in a new relationship for 5 months when school shut down and quarantine began. My boyfriend lives in Maryland while I live in New Hampshire- so you can only imagine the disappointment and frustration that we felt when he had to leave school to go home. We were able to see each other a couple times over the summer, but with travel restrictions, it made long distance that much more difficult. He went to college in South Carolina and I am in Massachusetts, so we had to continue long distance throughout the entire school year too. With that being said, I know a thing or two about the best and worst parts of a long distance relationship, the happiest moments, and how to make it all suck a little less.
THE FIRST IMPORTANT THING
You BOTH have to be fully committed to long distance. It can be scary with so many unknowns, but long distance will not work if one of you is unsure about making it work.
Not all of the following things are mandatory. Everyone has different comfort levels, love languages and needs for space, so talk to your partner before you leave about the points below and which ones you would like to participate in.
GIVE EACH OTHER YOUR SCHEDULES
Classes, practices, club meetings, etc. This will help decrease worry about where each of you are or why they aren’t replying. You both have separate lives now and you must acknowledge that you are on different schedules. Make sure you support each other academically, socially and with extracurriculars!
WRITE EACH OTHER LETTERS
Everyone loves receiving mail. You can write love letters, tell a joke, talk about your day (even if you text them about it anyways), a favorite memory, include a favorite picture or a drawing. This gives you both something to look forward to or it would make for a nice surprise.
SEND CARE PACKAGES
Similar to the last one, but packages are even more fun to receive. Some ideas of what to include can be: handwritten letters, favorite snacks/candy/drinks, gift cards, anything that you think will make them smile.
DESIGNATE A TIME TO CALL EACH OTHER
But be flexible! It can be so easy to get discouraged if either of you have to cancel or push it to later. You start by talking everyday, but later on you may find that 2-3 times a week on the phone or FaceTime may be more practical. With that being said frequent communication is very important too. Make sure you both tell the other if you feel that you’re not talking enough- which relates to my next point…
COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE
Most disagreements/arguments start because of miscommunication. If something is bothering you, ask if there is a chunk of time where you can FaceTime and talk through your concern. Talking it out will always be better than bottling it up or waiting for it to escalate.
SEND EACH OTHER A NICE TEXT
Whether it is before bed or a nice good morning text, letting each other know that you are thinking of each other will put a smile on your faces.
TRUST IS KEY
You both will be making new friends, going out to new places, focusing on school, joining new clubs, etc. Try not to jump at any opportunity to get jealous (sometimes easier said than done). If you both care about each other and are committed to your relationship, neither of you have anything to worry about. Embrace your new experiences, friends, classes, etc. Communication helps with this too, like talking about your new friends and weekend experiences so your s/o gets an idea of what the important and relevant things are in your life.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!
Long distance can be stressful. When it is, make sure you aren’t letting it completely consume you. Have a spa night to yourself, watch a movie, eat a good snack, call your parents, (do your homework), anything that will calm you down and take your body out of a state of stress.
Remember, college is the time to grow and discover so much about yourself. Make sure you are taking care of you too :)
To end on a happy note:
Long distance can be so rewarding. There is no better feeling than when you are finally able to see each other again. Especially when you know that you made the right decision by staying together and overcoming the odds. There is so much pressure in the media right now implying that long distance is “not cool” or “not worth it”. If it is the right person and you are both committed and happy in your relationship, that is what is important, so focus on that and enjoy it :)