The Corona Diaries: A Vegas Quarantine

I am here in Vegas… Chelmsvegas that is. My sweet little suburb is quiet. Since I live on one of the main roads in my town, looking outside of my bedroom window in the morning usually looks like a glimpse of a Boston street. However, due to the ~pandemic~ no one is on the road. Backing out of my driveway is no longer a 50-50 shot at life or death. My local dunkin’ donuts was quiet on a Saturday morning. A SATURDAY. PRIME TIME. I don’t care if there is a blizzard or a plague…I will get my medium iced caramel swirl with skim milk. It’s all about priorities. Know your brand and stay on it.

My mom and dad are local government employees, so they are still at work. Working from home does not seem to be in their future, so I am a latchkey kid for now. They must serve the people! Even though I love my parents, I think the three of us might grate on one another’s nerves if we were all confined to the house – and there’s only three of us! All I have to say is that my heart goes out to families with more than two children. Y’all are currently in a battle zone. Stay strong, you fierce warriors. You’ll be out of the trenches soon. Hopefully.

All three of us seem to have taken up fresh hobbies during this time. Now that I have free time, I am catching up on my teacher YouTube gang and their pen reviews. I have been testing out the pens that receive great reviews in my journal. FYI, PaperMate ink joy gel pens are magnificent. My dad is taking on an outdoor project of cutting up a huge piece of a decayed tree in our front yard. There is nothing quite like a 100-year-old New England tree. He has been watching YouTube reviews too – reviews for the best chainsaws, that is. My dad has informed me that the guy in the chainsaw review videos has cool wrap-around sunglasses. I’m guessing a pair of “wrap-arounds” is like the kind baseball players wear in the outfield. Who’s to say? My mom has been watching Facebook lives from neighboring town halls regarding Corona. They sound fuzzy and after about five minutes she turns them off and tells me she didn’t learn anything new.

There is one thing you may be wondering… have I been to Market Basket recently? Yes, I have. I went with my mom on the first day of this chaos. The funny thing is that we didn’t know we were walking into chaos since it was day one of the madness and mental breakdowns. We were getting our nails done and went into the Market Basket next door because we needed to pick some things up for dinner that night. When we entered, it was a bit tense. Everyone looked like someone had just stolen their wallets. The seniors were even more in the way than they usually are. There was no pasta, toilet paper, peanut butter, or Clorox wipes. The thing that surprised me most was that my mom and I were the only people in the checkout line with fresh food in their cart. I hope Jim in the aisle 3 line has a good time eating Doritos and Charmin for dinner for the next three weeks. I think people forgot they still need to make meals. There’s still electricity folks – you don’t need to be eating Market Basket brand canned food just yet! Market Basket isn’t my only task as a new fake housewife…

Since cleaning is one of my favorite stress relievers, I have been cleaning random areas of the house. My mom loves that I’m home because the house is so sparkling that you could go through with the white glove. Dare I say it, my cleaning has led to charitable works. I partook in a time warp by cleaning my childhood room. I donated so many shoes, clothes, and purses I never use. It was therapeutic. I have discovered that my most effective donation-based cleaning occurs during hour two. During hour one, I am too sentimental, and I want to be in this nostalgic state. Then, by hour two I get into a big “WHATEVER” mood and all I can say is “PITCH IT.” Hopefully in about a month when I’m wearing things that aren’t scum sweats, I don’t regret getting rid of anything I donated during hour two. Based on my shopping habits, I knew I needed to make room for the new crap I’ll be buying once this plague is over.

Now for the elephant in the room: online classes – an eLearn treasure. They have not been awful. When I enter the collaborate room, I feel like one of those middle school boys who wear a headset while “reporting in live” playing Fortnite. However, I have learned one thing from online classes: I cannot put my hair in a bun when I enter the collaborate room without looking like an egg fresh from the coup. One of the people in my education class made her profile picture a peanut butter baby, so that was entertaining. It certainly got a laugh out of me. The baby was covered in peanut butter! The epitome of quarantine comedy.

Unpopular opinion, but there have been some positives to quarantine. The house is sparkling clean. I’ve been able to read some books I’ve wanted to read for a long time. I’ve had time to watch all the trashy reality television I recorded in the DVR. Sleeping has become an activity that lasts more than five hours a night. I have been forced to go for runs because I will catch the bubonic plague if I enter a gym, so my legs are basically going to be shredded soon. Basically, just ENJOY IT. Let quarantine make your life IMMACULATE.


Here are some things I recommend so you don’t lose your mind:

1. Read a book! The future English teacher in me wants to encourage you to be a member of the team who is striving to save the dying art of literacy. Reading a book will make writing easier for you – trust me, it’s a thing.

2. Go through your room and find things to donate that you no longer use. Savers stores will literally take ANYTHING you give them. I mean ANYTHING. Really.

3. Enjoy the great online shopping deals. Ulta was offering free shipping if you spend $15, which I can basically spend by breathing while looking at the screen. Just make sure to put on a hazmat suit when the UPS guy delivers it to you.

4. Go for a run. Since I live on a busy street, I go and run on a track at a local middle school. Get that fresh air. Soak up that vitamin D. Just ENJOY the pain in your legs that you don’t usually feel because you avoid the treadmill at the gym like I do.

5. Try journaling. You can talk smack about anyone you want to, and they’ll never see it. Let your hair down, sister. Use a good pen while you do it, though.