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Being The Priority: How To Put Yourself First in Dating & Relationship Building

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Stonehill chapter.

If you are reading this article, then you have taken the steps to learning about how to be the best version of yourself in the dating world and relationship building as a whole. Congratulations! Adult dating includes a number of big transitions compared to high school dating, and it is important that we know how to make the best choices for ourselves. You are a gorgeous, strong, fierce woman who should not be letting go of any part of your femininity to please someone else. It is important to learn the basics of having healthy communication with someone, making time to see each other, and taking each step at the right time to find what we’re looking for. Remember, you are your biggest priority and having that mindset will set you up for success.  


One of the most important pieces of a secure relationship is healthy and open communication. Consistent communication is imperative when it comes to forming a connection with someone. This does not mean “constant” communication, because those are two different things. When it comes to texting especially, there needs to be a healthy balance. Remember that you both have your own busy lives. Just because they don’t send you a message, does not mean they aren’t interested, or that they are ghosting you. However, this does not mean that you should continue texting someone who seems to be giving one word text messages, or it seems that you are always seeing blue on your end. While texting does not determine a person’s interest, it should not be justified if it seems you are doing all the work. Make yourself a priority by spending time with your people, do some mental health care, or work on accepting the appreciation of others who want to make you a priority. 

Always keep in mind that important communication includes vulnerability, expressing emotions without fear, trust, honesty, consistent texting and FaceTime, and appreciation for one another. A healthy relationship cannot go anywhere if this is not included. Remember to set your boundaries and make yourself a priority, while being able to think about whether or not this is the partnership for you. 

Date Days and/or Nights

A huge part of feeling steady in a relationship is making time in your week to see each other for a nice date. You can start off by seeing each other once a week or every other week, depending on availability. It is at most required that both people put in the effort to plan the itinerary, express different interests and hobbies, and any other important information. Remember that any boundaries you have for yourself are respected during the dates, and vice versa. When you feel that you have a connection with someone and believe they are invested in getting to know you, scheduling a date is super exciting. As you are planning your date, do not cancel plans already made just because you want to see this person. This right here is setting a boundary because you also have your own life to live. Find a day, preferably within a 1-2 week span from when you decide to go out, where both of you are free.  

Because you are just getting to know this person, keep in mind that this is someone new. It is recommended that you meet during the day. You could do a coffee date, lunch, or an early dinner. Choose a location that is at the halfway point or somewhere you can get to via your own means of transportation. The intimacy part of a date is up to you and the person, but please know you can always say no if you are not comfortable. Consent is very important and seeing how they respond to your answer could determine whether they will respect your boundaries in the future. 

Big Takeaway

The one huge thing to remember as you enter this exciting era of your life is this: YOU ARE A PRIORITY AND ARE MEANT TO BE ONE! If you need a girl’s night, take it. If you need some space just to yourself, take that space. If you need to be with your person who clearly makes you a part of their lives, go be with them. Do not let anyone treat you like a quick option that only gives a benefit to them. Make it clear that you are deserving of incredible treatment and want to be seen as a beautiful person. You are a beautiful priority and deserve the best in what you’re looking for! 

Ori is a sophomore at Stonehill College from Natick, MA. She is a Communications & Sociology double-major as well as a Speech-Language Pathology minor. She is committed to education and is passionate about social justice, mental health, equality in healthcare, music, healthy dating, and faith formation. She is an avid Taylor Swift fan which has become one of her sole personality traits. She is a big country fan and usually the only one in her friend groups. She loves concerts, the outdoors, her family and friends, makeup and beauty, conferences, and taking part in experiences that revolve around love and happiness.