At Stanford, casual hookups dominate the dating scene. Unfortunately, in most cases, these setups are doomed from the start—and here are a few reasons why.
Problem #1: Aw shoot, you fell for him
When it comes to hook ups, this is oftentimes the most painful situation. You knew he didn’t want a relationship, but you couldn’t resist his jokes, wonderful looks and great personality. Now you’ve become attached and are slowly taking up more and more of his time.
The solution: The old story of unrequited love wreaks havoc once again. The problem now is that you’re emotionally and physically attached to this guy. Even though you’re mad he doesn’t want to take it to the next level, can you really blame him? He was upfront and honest from the beginning. The smartest thing for you to do is end the hook up. Yes it’ll be hard, but it’ll be harder when you become even more attached to him. Do yourself a favor and move on.
Problem #2: He is hooking up with other girls
In my experience, exclusivity is key in any relationship. Sure he doesn’t want anything too serious, but that doesn’t mean you should become the “last resort booty call” – the one always there to warm up the bed.
The solution: Again the key is to be upfront with him. Chances are if you are not comfortable with having him be with other people then you need to tell him before everything hits the fan. If you think you would be okay with it, then you better be sure because jealousy is not cute. And it could do serious damage to your self esteem. Just be honest from the start.
Problem #3: He wants more
So you were serious when you said that you didn’t want anything serious. Perhaps time in the bed has opened your eyes to little, irritating tendencies that’d bother you if you were in a relationship. But one night he pops the question: do you want to go on a date?
The solution: This is kind of sweet, in a pathetic way. He’s fallen for your charms—maybe you’re TOO good in bed. But now you have a nasty situation on your hands. Honestly, you should probably end it. Besides the awkward moments, you’d avoid hurting him even further.
Some parting tips:
So the main questions you should ask yourself before entering a hook up buddy arrangement are “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” Every woman has her needs and it’s important for her to realize that and approach them as sensibly as possible.
If you have a history of jealousy then no strings attached relationships probably aren’t for you. Either find a man who wants monogamous relationship or maybe consider other means of satisfying your needs. Consider buying a vibrator!
If you just want to have fun, then perhaps you should pursue multiple people. You’ll avoid all situations if you keep the hookup frequency minimal so that it’s just a casual affair. Just make sure to be honest about it and be safe! Good sexual heath is crucial so don’t forget protection.
If you feel a bit insecure, then you probably need to deal with those issues first before entering into any kind of relationship, with or without strings.
The main thing to remember is that happiness should originate from you, not him, because he isn’t here to satisfy your emotional needs. Be honest with yourself and communicate your thoughts with your hook up partner, because a good foundation of understanding can help you two avoid awkward situations. Keep these things in mind and maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Stanford chapter.