Hook-up culture. We all know about it, whether it be through past experiences or another 20-something article we’ve read in passing; and it usually ends up affecting us in ways that leave us feeling empty. But truthfully, can anyone really tell me how we all fell into this mess? This party Saturday night, wake up in somebody else’s bed Sunday morning just to never show your face to them again mentality. But it’s okay right… because he was totally hot and told me that I was the only one he had eyes for that night. Ah, ah…be careful not to read that too quickly// that’s right, he said for that night. Before I go further however, us gals aren’t the only victims of the hookup culture; we can be just as bad. Usually, for the female it comes in taking advantage of a guy for mere emotional or insecurity purposes rather than just the sheer fringe benefit of it all.
But, may I ask without sounding too cliché… how does this make us feel? Seriously. If you’re like me, it makes you feel nothing short of used and cheap, like you’re worthless even in some ways. Time and time again, I’ve had too many friends come back and tell me how they’ve had their hearts shattered to pieces, trying to figure out how to pieces back together again. Personally, I’ve had my own fair share of experiences just like this. So when this happens, the proverbial question comes to mind: What went wrong?
Truthfully, in my opinion, in most occurrences there was fault on both sides. It doesn’t matter who hurt who more, the fact of the matter is that we’re hurting. All of us. In some way or another…so now this raises the question of how do we fix this? How do we cure this disease in which has become of hookup culture?
For me, the answer is quite simple, yet very hard to actually do. We simply need to try harder. On both sides. Ladies, we need to remember who we are and how we were designed to be cherished and respected. Often times, I think we tend to live in fear of not finding “the one” or act out through the feeling of being overcome with loneliness and longing. Trust me, you’re not alone, I’ve felt this way more times than I care to count. Please remember to hold your standards as high as the heels you’re wearing and never settle. Literally, why fly coach when you have a chance at first class? Now men, you need to recognize the beauty that is within the girl of your choosing rather than just physically and keep your eye on the prize, the only prize for more than just a few nights. Treat her well and consistently remember all that you have to lose is standing there, right in front of you. You too need to remember to hold your standards high as well and recognize when you’re settling. Also, it doesn’t hurt to try to prove society’s standards wrong and prove that you’re not one of “those guys.” *Disclaimer: Now, is the time to let your imaginations roam free with expletives and resentment.
Now, the last piece of the puzzle comes into play and I have to ask you… How do we help each other fix it? Again, I feel it’s just another one of those simple fixes that’s easier said than done. And that fix comes out through multiple forms of honesty, communication, forgiveness, and vulnerability. Honesty, in any situation of course, is always the best policy for obvious reasons. The phrase “communication is key” is a phrase for a reason. Forgiveness is just a basic soul-freeing need that too often we don’t do and end up holding on to hate so much that our hearts turn resentful. Last but not least, vulnerability is beautiful. That’s where all the heart stuff lies. One of my favorite things my mother tells me is to “always let a man strip off the layers of my soul before he strips off the layers of my clothing.” I think in a matter-of-fact way, the same could be said for men as well.
Now, I’m not saying that dating is bad by any means at all, get out there! That’s why they call it dating after all, so that you go out and experience life while figuring out what it is you want in your S.O. Basically, the challenge mostly is about striking a balance between what’s too much and what’s not enough while not compromising who you are in the process of not compromising the other at the same time. Tricky I know, but doable, absolutely.
Here’s to long lasting relationships, higher standards, and Trade-Up Culture.