This week I wanted to talk about men. Yes I know I am a woman and might not have an authority on men, but that’s not the point. The point of this blog is to look at feminism AND issues that affect gender, so it is important to address men as well as women. Thus the post of this week has to do with manhood and the makings of a “real man.”
When you think of masculinity words that most likely come to mind are words like power, strength, tough and independent. These words have been consistently used to describe masculinity for at least the last 50 years and have not changed much in that time, whereas the definition of femininity has changed quite drastically in that time.
This brings up the question of why masculinity, and its definition, hasn’t changed in the way that the definition of femininity has changed. Men have not done the same kind of thinking about what masculinity should be, in the same way women have. Women realized they did not like their standing in social circles and they wanted to have more opportunities, so this got them thinking about their status and what the role femininity was and should be. Men did not need to do this in the same way as women because there were no barriers barring them from opportunities like jobs, so they didn’t need to spend the time to analyze their roles in society. However, maybe they should have done it anyway.
There are also double standards for men and women. It is much harder for a man to cross gender lines than a woman, whether those gender lines involve clothing or personal mannerisms. It is completely acceptable for a woman to wear pants and a suit or other seemingly male clothes, whereas it would not be acceptable for a man to wear a skirt or a dress – they would be looked at as breaking the acceptable gender boundaries. It is looked down upon for a man to act to feminine as a man needs to fit the parameters of a “real man,” someone who is strong, powerful, tough and independent.
From a very young age we tell our boys that “real boys don’t cry.” Crying is a trait considered to be affiliated with girls and not boys. We also don’t want our boys to play with dolls, instead they are known as action figures to make them differentiated from the dolls that girls play with. We have very strict barriers for how young boys should be raised and how they should act. But why are we so strict with what is acceptable of a young boy? Why are guys who play sports looked at with higher esteem then a guy who likes theater or sings? Toughness is considered to be an asset for our boys and men, which is which is constantly enforced when we see guys fighting, dominating and being over-all violent in television shows and movies.
We, as a society, need to reevaluate what traits we value in our boys and men. There is a lot more to being a man than just being strong, powerful, tough and independent, why can’t sensitivity be an important trait for a man as well as a woman? How about compassion? These are traits I believe are important for both men and women. It should be acceptable to see men as elementary school teachers or as nurses. These jobs should no longer have a gender attached to them. Shouldn’t your job be one that you love without regardless of gender stereotypes?
If we work to have more equality between how men and women are portrayed and thought of, then we would have much less violence against women as men would no longer believe they needed to be violent to show their manhood. By just simply looking at the roles of men and women in society and then looking at these roles with a more critical eye we would be able to change our society for the better, with a stronger emphasis on bi-gender traits.
It would be great to live in a world where men don’t cat call women or defend their manhood with violence and fighting amongst themselves. I want to live in a world where men can be sensitive and compassionate without being considered a pansy. If we can redefine what a “real man” is then maybe, just maybe, we can create a generation where masculinity is defined differently and for the better.
Feminist quote of the week: “Men have defined the parameters of every subject. All feminist arguments, however radical in intent or consequence, are with or against assertions or premises implicit in the male system, which is made credible or authentic by the power of men to name.” – Andrea Dworkin
Photo Credit: Chuck Norris