Hello Mmm Ya Ya: Sex at St. Olaf readers!
I hope you all had a lovely Easter Break, whether at home or on campus. I know it was just the perfect amount of refreshment I needed to give me that last push for the end of the year! I have had a couple of requests to blog about hooking up with an ex – when is it okay, when is it a bad idea, etc. – so I thought that now seemed as good a time as any to address this issue.
Let’s just start by being blatant: hooking up with your ex is rarely, if ever, a good idea. There is a reason this person is “ex.” Break-ups don’t occur because everything is fine and dandy; they happen because at least one person in the relationship is unhappy about something and needs a change, be it a desire to be single, a need for greater focus on schoolwork or just an inability to put up with that obnoxious snoring any longer.
Unfortunately, some nights, especially when you are feeling in the mood and perhaps have had a couple drinks, it can be all too easy to forget about these issues in exchange for an easy and familiar fling.
Needless to say, this typically doesn’t end well. There are really just two possible outcomes that can come from hooking up with an ex:
(1) you are given a false sense of hope that maybe things can work out between the two of you, or
(2) you end up feeling guilty/ashamed/disgusted with yourself for giving in to your physical desires and not listening to the logic that put a distance between you and him in the first place.
Now to address each of these possible outcomes:
1. This can be very dangerous. While having a fling with your ex could lead to a reunion, if hooking up occurs without a discussion of your previous issues, you will likely end up succumbing to the same issues once again, after the honeymoon phase has worn off. I have had several friends who are or have been a part of a “serial relationship”: they are happy, they fight, they break up, they hook up, they are happy, etc. This ongoing cycle preserves an unhealthy relationship, when in reality, it would be better to just go separate ways.
2. It’s the pits when you wake up next to someone and realize you should be anywhere but where you are at that moment. Last fall, I woke up in the bed of someone I promised myself I wouldn’t see anymore, and the walk-of-shame at 5 a.m. through the rain was probably one of the most pathetic on record. It’s really just better not to get in that position at all.
It can be unbelievably hard, especially when you are horny and you know that someone is just a text away, but the crappy feelings that accompany it are not worth the trouble. A vibrator is a much more worthwhile investment for those lust-ridden nights. I am interested to know if any of you have any stories of run-ins with the ex or embarrassing walk-of-shame stories. Feel free to leave any feedback in the comment section!
Stay sexy St. Olaf,
H.